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I am 55 years old and I have been a masturbation fanatic since I was 13. I got ahold of some porn magazines and the first chance I got to be alone, I spread them out in front of me and figured out what to do next. A few hours later, I did it again. The next day, I masturbated 4 more times. I jerked off heavily all through high school and beyond and rarely had girlfriends. I accumulated a large stash of porn magazines. In my 20s, I started going to adult bookstores and masturbated in those private video booths. Nowadays, of course, I have access to unlimited porn on the internet. I have masturbated less when I was in a relationship, but I always looked at porn and masturbated. Since I had a string of unsuccessful relationships, I decided to go it alone and now I masturbate just as much as I did when I was young, usually 4 or 5 times a day. I watch a lot of porn because the porn makes the orgasms more intense. I have often wondered if this is a strong sex drive or an addiction. Recently, I was on a camping trip and I did not have enough privacy to masturbate for several days. Yes I survived but by the end of the trip, I was thinking about what I was going to do when I could get myself some alone time and sure enough after I got home, I masturbated like crazy for a couple days, actually losing count of how many times.
I'm a believer, living in a religious and spiritual environment everyday but...what nobody knows is : I'm a lesbian. Where i am, it's a sin and i know it too well to let anybody know about my sexual orientation because i know i will be rejected. I live with it everyday and it's so hard, especially when i feel attracted to a girl - but can't voice it out. I tried my best to date guys, but it doesn't work. I am just not into boys. Those who say that it's a matter of choice or will, obviously don't understand. Trust me, it's not! It's just like you can't explain why your favorite color is your favorite color. And now, here i am, living a life where i'll never be 100% happy - just because i'll never be able to have a real love story. How can i even concile my sexual orientation and my beliefs... Tough life!
Thursdays are the worst days ever. Bad things will happen in early in the morning to the night.
#life
I have herpes and don't tell people that i sleep with. I sleep with married men and even though im in a relationship, i love being a homewrecker. HMP
I find it rather frustrating that their children are the top priority for most parents. They often neglect their own needs and try to live vicariously through their kids. One of my female colleagues has one pair of shoes and cannot afford another pair, because she uses all her money to buy her spoiled son new shirts and jeans?
My parents never treated my siblings and I that way. That is not the right way either, but I would never neglect myself for my children.
Today, I dressed myself as death, with a scythe and a hood and walked through a nursing home.
I never had so much fun in my life before.
#death #scythe #hood #nursing #home #fun #life #confess #evil
Could a older group of men with good looks start up a phone call and drop in sex service for women my age?
I feel fucked up for really wanting to get a serious illness "just to see what it's like" and possibly treasure life more, when I won't have much time.
I apologise to those who never had a choice...
#apology #illness #test #life #treasuring
My life sucks. I don't get a girl and every girl I like gets a boyfriend shortly after. I should make a business out of it...
I guess it's because I am just a nice guy. Girls don't like nice guys...
From now on I am going to be an asshole! A big jerk.. Maybe I'll get a girlfriend then...
I don't know what to do anymore..... Life is so confusing for a man who has nothing in this world and is only getting dimmer and dimmer instead of better like in those fucking tales you see on movies or happy ending books. My mom is a pain who can't even understand how mentally fucked I am dealing with stress she has entailed onto me about how she cant get a job and is relying on me and my sister to take it all in control. This life is no different compared to her as she had to struggle doing the same thing with her mom before that, however this is of new age and of new thinking. It as well concluded to me that I have depression that has a rise over the years due to this family finance as well distress from just an 18 year old still trying to find himself. I found that suicidal thought have became more creative as I become sad where its me blowing my brains out in front of everyone and saying goodbye to jumping off the state bridge and sending off a worldwide video describing to help those in needs such as I am and in hope that they can learn from my mistakes and no not follow in these barbaric and sorrowful steps of a "human". I've been called worse then human such as "idiot" "stupid" "dumbass" to my so called friend..... and even to family members. Another part of me that wants to come out is how my dead beat excuse of a human dad just essentially is homeless and somewhere out doing drugs and such still living to his glory and essentially created this whole black whole of mess.
In this end there is also an answer that I still hope that anyone who stumbles upon this website may enlighten and please tae into recognition...... "YOU ARE NOT ALONE".... It's hard and horrible but all I can say and to keep tings short is that you are not alone and understand that we, me you, whatever it may be can get through this. From writing this out it helped me alleviate some pain physically and mentally and started me back to the engine that could. So please anyone who has eyes and ears, don't be afraid to talk to someone or write out your expressions cause trust me you are in most definitely not alone. Hope this can help someone like me or anyone in trouble. Thank you.
Each day, I am jealous of my cat because she doesn't have to get up every morning, go to work and live a daily human life. It just sucks. I wanna lie in bed all day, lick my balls and sleep, too!
Now and then, I pray to the Lord to help me with my problems. It helps me keep in mind what's important in life and what's now.
But I have to confess that I tell everyone that I don't believe in God and that I'm an atheist because I'm ashamed of my belief.
Oh God, please forgive me.
I worked as a lifeguard. Per se it's bad but today it got really bad. I got fired!! Because I fought with a stupid teenage boy who tought could annoy me the whole time and break all the rules.
Wouldn't be too bad if he hadn't lost 5 teeth and I just stood there and laughed. My hands were covered in blood.
Well, now I am jobless. Maybe I'll try to become a bouncer...
I hate that i helped my best friend find a boyfriend and now she's all happy and has little time for me while im single and lonely.
I was stupid. I ruined relationships due to my personality, it was odd. I was always inside a shell, nervous and full of anxiety about an uncertain future. But once I establish a form of deeper relation with someone, those factors of my personality fades away as if I was someone else. It feels like being trapped inside my mind. My morals change, and the knowledge I had of myself disappears. I commit actions only to
regret it later but repeat it again. It feels like transitioning from a normal person to a person who is devoid of any emotions, manipulative, impulsive. I want to go back to my lingering past. I isolated myself but I was late to realize what I was doing. I cannot confirm that fact that I am back to how I were before but, I hope that all of me is cohesive and not a broken mirror. I have what I wanted but don't deserve it. This is a confession and as well as my fear. At this moment, I am simply existing.
#life
yeh, life really does sux, I knew it but would try to be positive when everyone was so negative around me. I thought it would be me with the degree graduation and big money earning and marriage and instead its like my nephew and aunty have the money and travel everywhere and get work easy and friends and aunt goes around raping young men and I know her relationship will end in a bunch fight with other women, she is going so like the great ronaldo. my sister in law graduated from a degree before me when I started one before her. she is a bitch and prostitute and that is how she gets work. I mean, their good at taking people down, I will give them that. but does that mean they should be rewarded for their bad ends? I hope slutty cousin ends up with quads next pregnancy and is fat forever and her kids will be having babies young after all not much else to do over there with their 4 way marriage.
I need to confess.
I've never asked for much in my life. Just to be happy. I can't seem to ever find it though. Every time I do it always ends up being fake. I hate that so much. But a while back I found happiness in a girl. She was everything I've ever wanted and more. I devoted my life to keeping her happy and I did everything to do so. We were inseparable, or so I thought. One day, not too long ago in fact, she decided to just throw away all we worked so hard to achieve.
I was so devastated I tried to kill myself numerous times. When my knives were finally taken away I looked up key points on my veins and took thumbtacks to each point. Several at a time too. The pain was unbearable and I thought it would work. It didn't obviously. People saw the scars and finally I got help. I was gone for a few days but it felt like a lifetime. When I finally got out of where I was I felt better but not helped. I still have thoughts of death and suicide and am having them now as I type these words. The scars serve as my own permanent reminder of what I went through. Everyone wants me to promise never to do it again...but these promises have been made in vain....
I've recently been going to lots of parties . I always get crossed faded ( its when your drunk and high) and it always messes me up even more. But, I can't stop. I feel horrible after but, at the moment I feel so good. And I love to go to crazy things with my friends when I go out to party.
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