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Read the best #laugh confession stories
I enjoy the sorrow, misery and pain of others. It does not have to be anything crass, but I get giddy and really really gleeful if I watch someone struggling.
I ROARED with laughter when I watched a young mother lose her baby's pacifier in a drainpipe and the baby started crying.
When I am walking through town and occasionally stop and watch, hoping for something funny to happen - I love watching people struggling with heavy objects.
I love watching fail compilations on YouTube.
Unfortunately, I now read on the internet that this glee and joy for the pain of others might be connected to feelings of inferiority.
I confess that I worry that should be ashamed for my key source of joy in my life. And that I love my fellow human beings the most when they are stuck in a water slide.
#funny #despair #joy #glee #youtube #videos #fun #laughing #baby #mother #slide #water #confession #inferiority
I laughed about Amy Winehouse. Just found out about an hour ago that she's dead.
Oops.
#amy #winehouse #dead #laugh #confession
I regularly lust after my co-worker.
I have known her for 5 years but I am married and she has had a few boyfriends over this time and I have never done anything about it. I don’t think she has any lustful feelings for me at all.
She has beautiful blond hair, the sweetest laugh and the sexiest ass, especially when she wears white jeans. Oh Kirstie how I long to have you and see your face as you cum.
I just laughed at a guy in a wheelchair who got stuck in a gap in the street. He wasn't able to get out there by himself but I didn't help him either.
I would like to make amends and confess. It happened many years ago back in school and in retrospect I feel terrible about it.
There was this one kid in our year and he was kind of unpopular. Maybe not unpopular, but he ran in another circle of friends and was rather shy. So we made fun of him, but really harmless banter mostly.
One day we had this huge event at our school that took place in our gym. A lot of people came... I think round 3,000 people watching the festivites on the ranks around the gym, parents, teacher from other schools, principles,.. so many people....
My year and me had to take part in a rely race, so we had to get in a row and in front of me was that kid. He was a bit on the chubby side and really un-sporty. He wore very worn out pants and that is when I go the idea.
Just seconds before it was his turn to start running I pansed him. (I have no idea how that is spelled... well, I pulled his shorts down all the way). And I not only pulled down his shorts, but also his boxershorts underneath. As he was about to start running, he tripped BUTT NAKED and fell face first to the ground. He had a really small penis.
The whole gym, everyone!! was laughing and pointing. Some where even crying with laughter and I think some took pictures. He was the joke of the whole school for the rest of our time there.
Now I feel rather embarrased for what I have put him through.
#school #pants #sport #chubby #bullying #embarrassing #laughing
I’m DEADPOOL. That’s right, I’m the real Deadpool. No I’m not crazy. I’ll leave a secret code that only those who really know me could figure it out. WMHRSNSCARDCESCAECKAGCFLFWAHACLJ. Only the few who really know me could decipher that.
I started making up characters as a kid. Deadpool started in the 70’s. That’s right. Your getting the real origin of Deadpool.
I had some old comics. In one of them the Shadow fought a Ninja dressed in Red on a sub. My favorites were Cap & the Avengers, & Batman. But I liked this red ninja. So I made me as a super hero named “Red Ninja” when I was really little. In time the character got a much better name.
Over time he got cooler names. I won’t tell you his real name. My real character he became in my 20’s is very similar to Deadpool. I like mine better.
When I nearly died recently I destroyed all my 1,000’s of characters & their back stories. Old drawings. I’d hoped to one day draw my own comics, or let my children. But I’m near death so it’s not going to happen. No one wanted them. So I shredded them. I had to move into a tiny place. I had some way cool stuff though.
Starting in the early to mid 80’s I sent some of my worst characters & some ideas to Marvel Comics. I was going to use the good ones for my own comics. I’m pretty sure I saw one of my characters vaguely in a comic. Very vaguely. Either way I got some No Prizes. Empty envelops. The first one I wrote & said I didn’t get a prize. The prize was no prize, an empty envelope. You just give them ideas for characters; stories. But it becomes their property. You give it away.
Well; somewhere around 1990 or so; while in college, I decided to send Marvel one of my mediocre characters. I kept the best to myself. I was offered an art scholarship, but pursued other stuff.
Please realize I “gave” them the character. Just a rough idea. I did not give them my real character. I honestly don’t even remember what all I wrote in the letter.
In no way am I claiming anything beyond a rough idea. They apparently took a vague idea & made something cool out of it. So the character is completely theirs. I merely gave them a seed to plant & grow. Im not even certain they used my idea. The visual; mannerisms, & name make me convinced they did. Either way; I gave it away for fun, so who cares.
Around this time I was still collecting comics; but I stopped. That’s why I mailed this to them. My life was fixing to change dramatically. No more time for childish things. No more collecting comics. So since I doubted I’d ever pursue my comic ideas; I gave Deadpool (not my characters real name) away as a joke. I wanted to see if “I” could live on in the comic books, in case I died on a battle field. I loved Marvel. If they thought him/me worthy of being a super hero/villain, then it would mean my much better characters would be cool if I ever made my own comics. I had 100’s better than Deadpool.
Well I forgot all about it. No more kids stuff for me. My kids got into all the super hero stuff many years later. One day my daughter said dad. You have got to watch this movie called “Deadpool”. He’s just like you. I scratched my head. Realize my character has a different name. But I’m pretty sure I called the alternate less fleshed out version of red ninja; the bad “punisher” like pretend version of me, “Deadpool”. The one I mailed Marvel.
She said he’s just like you. The guy who plays him looks a lot like you (not really. But I am attractive. And I married a beautiful woman). He talks endless trash. Is always trying to be funny. Uses two swords and guns at once. Wears a red ninja outfit. Never shuts up. Cusses. Can do all that ninja gymnastics stuff like you. He’s you. Huh? That did sound like me.
So I watched the movie; remembered sending the idea to Marvel, & laughed my butt off. She asked what was funny. I said that is me. That’s really me as a super hero. I mailed that idea to Marvel before I married your mom way back in college. I didn’t know they made it into a super hero. Of course she didn’t believe me.
Now let’s be clear. I’m not taking credit for the character or anything. I can’t even remember what I mailed them. I had been drawing characters since age 7 or so. Red Ninja had been me since the 70’s.
I was finally giving up buying & collecting comics. No more drawing & expanding characters. I was putting all of that away & growing up. Time to leave college & start life. I never thought of that stuff again till she made me watch the movie. She was right though; that was me, especially back in the late 80’s & early 90’s.
I won’t bore you with the whole story & details. Nor can I remember what all I actually even mailed them. But either way; I gave it to them. Looks like they used it. I was hoping someone would turn it into a character. That if I died I’d still be alive in a sense as a super hero. Just a private joke. So in my mind anyways; I pulled one on Marvel, got them to turn me into a super hero of sorts.
So since I have no clue what I mailed them I’ll show why my daughter saw the similarities. She had seen me training with two swords at once. And two knives. She’d seen me throw weapons & shoot guns with both hands. I’m an expert marksman with near any weapon, with both hands.
I do know martial arts. I have easily beaten multiple black belts with my mixed fighting style in training. I have extremely fast reflexes. Makes me really hard to fight. When I sent it in I had finally managed to slim my muscular body down from 275 lbs to under 250. To para jump or slide down ropes out of copters you must weigh under 250. I was so lean and low fat I had cuts & veins everywhere. I thought Deadpool having healing powers like Wolverine would be great. Instead of claws he’d use two swords & pistols like me. He’d have my agility; athletic ability; super strength (I was a power lifter). Only magnified for comics of course. I’m the lame real life version.
I was very conceited about my appearance & abilities. I talked endless trash. Cussed none stop. I never shut up. I still have a constant smile. I try to be funny and constantly try to make people smile & laugh. A crowd once watched me fight several men. They say I was turning flips. Doing crazy moves. Like Deadpool. And the whole time I was telling jokes and talking trash. That’s true. Like Deadpool.
I used to run track. I could nearly touch the top of a basketball backboard. Great at long jumping.
I was being trained by an ex special forces relative & was intending to join the military soon, which is why I mailed off the idea for Deadpool to Marvel. Letting go of my childish ways. Would be no more time for that. After I mailed it off o bought no more comics. Drew no more characters. I was done.
I had a relative of sorts who used to work with me some. He was impressed by my marksmanship. He had been a soldier & then soldier for hire. Mercenary. I was a great marksman so he thought I should try that after the military.
Well in high school & college I found myself living in this high crime gang controlled inner city. At night it was a war zone. Cops were afraid to come in there at night. So if you got caught up in something you were on your on. Like the fight I just talked about.
Starting as a little kid I used to fight to protect others. I slowly learned to mostly be quiet & passive in school. Until I moved into the gang area. Sometimes I’d fight to protect others. But not in front of teachers. At school I had fought to protect any weak loner. I don’t care what color you are. Religion. Gay. I would protect anyone. In my eyes we are all the same.
Well; those of you who work & goto school full time know, your rarely home. At night I’d wake up to gang activity. Screaming. Gun fire. Fights. People buying & selling drugs. Drug dealers are the root problem in these neighborhoods.
I’ve fought and been chased by gangs in high school. Been shot at just for walking home. Kids on those streets know what I’m talking about. I learned to mind my own business. But a few times I had to go out into the dark night. Batman.
Ninja movies were getting popular. I always trained with two knives & pistols at this time. So now I added two ninja swords.
So around the time I sent this to Marvel I’d snuck out at night & stopped a few crimes when I heard screaming. Usually only for a woman or child. Not dressed as a ninja. I’m the real guy.
I’ll give one example. I heard a woman yelling for help. I went running out. A very large man was trying to attack her with an ax handle. Trying to break thru her window. She was protecting her child. So I fought & disarmed him. Made him run away. Then I had to talk to the cops. Witnesses confirmed my story & I got off. People would watch. But not interfere. I’m lucky people liked me enough to speak up for me a couple of times. Had it been gangs they probably would not have. No one calls the cops on drug dealing gangs. They will do drive byes & stuff. Unlike Deadpool, I can’t magically heal.
I only did these things a few times. Real life isn’t a movie. But my friends had saw me in action. My wife had told my kids those stories & about the time she watched me fight & save another woman. And of course talk to the cops yet again.
In real life once you save the day; you then get to talk to cops; teachers, bosses. You get kicked out of school; paddled; almost arrested; fired. Real life isn’t a movie.
So Deadpool wasn’t really me. He was like an alter me. A bad version of me. He would go off into the military for special forces like I was planning. Be a Merc like I was contemplating. But he’d be half nuts. He’d decide to take out drug dealers and criminals to stop crime at the source. You know that voice in your head that you ignore. Hey go do this. You know better from listening to that voice as a kid. Don’t listen to that crazy voice.
That is the real problem in these neighborhoods. Drugs fuel the gangs. Addiction destroys people. Gangs strike fear in neighborhoods. Everyone is afraid to call or speak to cops. Cops are afraid to come there at night. They arrive way too late & in large numbers. By the time they do it’s usually too late.
So the goofy one in the movies does act a lot like me. Obvi I’m no nutt super hero. I’m the real guy. I based the character off me. I like what they did with it. Totally different from me. As I said; I mailed in a very vague idea. They appear to have developed it into something cool. But I can’t take credit for any of that. But the behavior & general description are so much like me that my daughter realized it when she watched the movie. They’ve all seen me get right up in the face of would be tough guys and talk trash; joke, & cuss just like Deadpool. They’ve seen me lift up very heavy weight. Shoot two pistols at once. Train with two swords. On & on. I have that endless grin on my face. Im the real Deadpool.
So where did the name Deadpool come from? As a child I was an amazing marksman. I never missed. Some vets nicknamed me Eagle eye & Deadeye. I liked Clint Eastwood. So I called the bad; drug dealer pretend version of me Deadpool. Pretty sure I sent that name in with the idea. But it’s not important.
There was a real Hollywood game. People tried to predict who would die. Then bet money (a pool). So this Deadpool version of me would instead pick which deadly criminals should die. He’d take their drug dealing money. That would be his income. His “pool” of money. Plus; Eastwood had a movie out around that time, “the Deadpool”. I think I was watching it on VHS when I wrote the letter.
Clint Eastwood played a vigilante in Dirty Harry movies. I preferred the spaghetti westerns.
So since I don’t think I’ll be alive much longer I thought I’d secretly confess that I’m convinced I’m the basis for Deadpool. I don’t care if anyone believes me. I did specifically tell them they could have the idea. I did ask them to turn it into a character for Marvel comics. I didn’t send them the real character. He was much more complex and pure. Instead I sent them something I thought people would want to watch & read. This was in the rap anti establishment days. No one liked Cap anymore. I’m a whole lot more like Cap. But no kidding. As I type this there are ninja swords hanging above my bed. There are two pistols on a nightstand by two knives. As I said; Im the real Deadpool. Well; sort of.
What do I look like? Well I’m very sick now. But I’m very lean. Weigh about 255. Very muscular. I was born with blond hair & blue eyes. People say I’m attractive. And I act “a lot” like the character in the movie still to this day. That’s why when my kids first saw the first Deadpool movie they ran in there saying dad, your in a movie, you’ve got to come see this. And yes; I am really that cocky. I’m convinced no one can beat me. I did learn to shut up at times. But I talk endless crap. I crack endless jokes. I never shut up. I have a crap eating grin non stop. I did not go into the special forces for a very good reason. Nor did I become a mercenary. I’m afraid the real me isn’t overly impressive.
I am no kidding wearing a shirt that’s blue with stars on the top. Alternating red and white vertical stripes on the bottom. I just realized that when I looked down. My kids had them made for me I guess. They look like one offs.
OK kids of mine. There it is. Let’s see if you can figure out my code. No one else ever will. I’ll give one of you a clue. See if you can surf the web and find this. Decipher the code. Prove I wrote it. You asked me to tell someone I invented Deadpool. That would be wrong. You can’t give something away. Ask someone to make something of it. Then try to take credit. So here it is. No name or proof. But my admission. One more joke. If you find this and read this have a good life. Now you know where I got the idea. From an old The Shadow comic I owned. Why did I like the red ninja? He was better than the shadow. That’s why when I sent the character to Marvel. Instead of sending them the real character that red ninja became; which I will not reveal here, I gave them a meaner version. A “Punisher” like version. A soldier for hire who didn’t just cross the line; he became a criminal of sorts. Much like Wolverine was in a comic or two. Dark. The opposite of me. Like alternate Superman.
I am very proud of you that you saw me in the way Deadpool acted. You even pointed out how I used to pull your legs & claim I could block bullets with my swords. That’s obvi a lie. But I’m still pretty good for a real person.
#deadpool #red #ninja #fun #laugh #funny #laughter #comic #comics #book #admission #riddle #code #drug #drugs #gang #fight #athlete #athletic #merc #mercenary #mouth #trashtalking #cuss #cussing #gymnast #agile #agility #gymnastics
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