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I'm male, 21 years old and I've got serious trust issues.
Me and my girlfriend actually meet every day, in school, after school, on the weekend, in the holidays. We are together for almost half a year now. When we are not together (what doesn't happen very often), I always carry my mobile phone around. For the case she's calling or texting or something.
And when she doesn't text me back within... let's say 5 minutes... I become anxious, nervous and impatient.
I always imagine that I said/texted something wrong, that she's mad at me or that she doesn't want me anymore.
Or I think that she's betraying me or anything like that.
Last saturday, I thought she went out with some of her friends, so I texted her around 11 pm and then I waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and she didn't write me back. I really got worried and thought she would never contact me again. The night was horrible. I couldn't sleep properly, I was staring at my phone the whole night.
Next day, around 11.30 am, she texted me that she was so stressed the last night that she fell asleep around 9 pm and that she hadn't gone out with her girls.
All night long, I was a total wreck, I imagined all the worst things to happen.
I haven't told her about this because it's kind of embarrassing and I don't want her to feel sorry for me or anything.
#girlfriend #anxious #nervous #impatient #betrayal #embarrassing
My friends did it, so I thought it was okay. First night done. Didn't realize that, my cuts were the worst. One night, I started cutting over fresh cuts all in 1 go. I was 12. I stopped after that..
So I... had an affair with this guy some three years ago. Ugly as fuck, to be honest. Ok I mean, just really unattractive. Our relationship was essentially based on weed. Not that I didn't buy my own. But I would always use with him, just to have someone to smoke with, since I get really anxious when I do. I would smoke loads back then. Then I stopped buying it. 'cause I wanted to stop. But I kept visiting this man's house. We wouldn't have sex anymore, I was having sex with another guy, a friend of his actually. This other guy was kind of nice and really cares about me but I cut him out of my life 'cause he won't have sex with me anymore 'cause he thinks I'm desperate. Which I kind of am. My life is so dull 'cause I have no plans, no projects, no motivation. Aside from weed, I smoke cigarettes and drink, I don't drink too much but yeah, I'm kind of the addictive type you know. Most of all I was addicted, I still am, to these two men. And I'm also anorexic/bulimic, not too thin lately, and I've managed to stop the binging and purging, I'm making progress you know, but still no future, no education... I used to be in university. I was studying philosophy. I was the brightest student in my year, but I was always on drugs and when I started sleeping with these guys I pretty much gave up on everything else. I tried to launch a music career, so to speak. I mean, as I was hurting like a goddamn dog I started composing sad tunes on my guitar. I've been in therapy all my teen and adult life, I'm 23, it's been more than ten years, with different therapists. Maybe I'm gay, maybe I'm bisexual, maybe I'm a random nymphomaniac, narcissistic, shizotypical, borderline fucked up mess with daddy issues and a self-centred attitude and paranoia and bipolar depression and no friends, virtually zero people I trust. I have no idea what I am, it's not like I've been abused and furthermore I got tested and they say I have nothing, I'm just kind of above average intelligence-wise and particularly sensitive, that's what they say. I taught myself how to play piano in ten days and I can do some pretty impressive stuff and bla bla bla yeah I'm showing off. But really I'm just so sad. I dropped out of uni, anyhow. Oh, I said that already didn't I. And I masturbate almost daily but with a sense of disgust even. I don't enjoy any kind of porn anymore, and I don't even enjoy actual sex, I mean, I had a couple of really good fucks with these two guys but yeah who cares. And what kills me is I've been so in love with the second guy but I fucked up because I'm fucked up and now he's gone but it's been three years and I was his first girl so it was bound to happen wasn't it. Why shouldn't he want to be with someone normal who doesn't hit him when he doesn't want to have sex, someone who is not so whiny as I am, so bitter and self-centred and FUCK I wish I could turn back time or I just wish he could DIE sometimes I really do everything except move on with his life leaving me here in my ugly stinky rut. I'm so depressed I've gotten used to it but sometimes I get these glimpses of lucidity and they really hurt.
#life #sex #drugs #weed #future #depression #addiction #issues
I'm angry all the time over how arrogant and stupid my mother is. I just want to punch her in the throat. My mother blames everyone else for all her problems. She’s the one that ignores ever single warning about her fantastic life choices or who to trust. Then when things go south it’s OBVIOUSLY not her fault. Like my cousin, who is a notorious con artist AND has scammed her out of money in the past. She ignored every red flag and decided to buy a car from him. A car that she hadn’t even looked at before buying.That he insisted be paid in cash. It’s been 2 years and she hasn’t seen that car that supposedly exists. Yes, my cousin is an ass hat. However if my mother even listened to other people for once in her life she might see that she’s partially to blame. Maybe she might even make better choices in life if she paid attention to other people’s opinions and beliefs instead of living in her own world of denial and aggressive narcissism. But until that day comes, which it wont, it’s everyone else’s fault.
#family #familyissues #narcissism #stupidpeople #cantacceptblame #neverwrong #anger #punchingpeople
I love my girlfriend with everything that I have and will do anything for her. She's one the best parts of my life, but her drinking is her default to life's stresses. I wish it wasn't because she changes into someone I don't recognize when she drinks. She's says hurtful things to me and gives me anxiety by how reckless she becomes. Tonight I woke up in the middle of the night only to feel my back and legs wet, she had pissed herself in the bed. I wish she didn't drink so much when things get stressful because I love her, I just don't love drunk her.
I have a hard time forgiving my parents. They love to tell you at random times that they would always support you no matter what, but when I failed to deliver my thesis on time (now i have to redo a semester) instead of supporting me they kept makeing me feel guilty about it and how this was all my fault. Also when i told them I wouldn't visit my grandparents on vacaition because I wanted to go to the pychologist they made me feel even more guilty, saying I was selfish and this was stupid. Ok so they had no idea I literally cried myself to sleep for a couple of weeks after the thesis thing but they were far from anything they ever boast about they'd do. I sometimes like to fantasize that I kill myself and leave a letter telling my family that it's not entirely their fault, but they definitely had a major part in it.
So I met this person online, maybe December or November? Well yea I thought they were pretty chill so I asked to be friends with them, they said yes. I talked to them everyday starting from then, they played a game I played too so what id do was wait till they were online in that game instead of contacting on social media since they were sorta inactive there. Waited till 4am once, yeah was not mentally okay. On valentines day, I asked them to be my platonic valentine (excuse to say I had a valentine haha) and they agreed! Was psyched, after that we flirted alot. I said 10 fucking pickup lines in a row without them replying. Tell me you have attachment issues with telling me you do. I imagined fake scenarios with them, dirty ones included and I have no regrets lol. Then I found out their appearance and holy shit did it make me even more crazy about them. Shoulder length hair, 6,0, rings, nice hands, black clothing most the time and dark brown eyes. She was so pretty and I was absolutely starstruck. Then there was me, a 5,6 asian pansexual woman who sits in front of a screen 24/7. One pickup line (a more recent one) let me find out that im allowed to call them mine. We are still only friends keep in mind. A flirtationship was what I assumed it was and the urge to confess was unreal. My biggest peeve about this obsession was..pretending they were my partner when meeting new people, not sure if other people do this. Its so fucking silly lmao and I regret it so much, I also dont, it felt nice haha. The fake scenarios got bigger and bigger, pretending we went on dates and guess what? I plan on confessing on their birthday next year if I buck up the courage to. Probs won't but I hope they know I love them. I make it clearly fucking obvious im into them so im waiting for a good time. They send me websites on how to get better if im ill, they help me, flirt with me, tease me and care for me. Partner material. So uhh if you're 5,11 but 6,0 with good shoes and you think you know who this is, hi. I like you lol. Praying they dont find this though aha. Thanks for listening to my cringe obsession phase story time. -A.T
#onlinerelationship #onlinecrush #girlfriends #crush #wlw #love #cringeyobsessions #attatchmentissues #obssession #lovesick
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