Hacker Confessions

A hackers love confession
In my late teens I use to investigate seedy websites and report information to authorities (thinking I would make a difference) and post the sites on pastebin for others to try and destroy. Along this journey I came across a clear net site dedicated to pictures of young teens and underage girls. (honeypot? Probably) On this site was a group of girls from my high school, some of which i personally knew. Being the coward whilst always being a protector, never had the courage to tell these girls someone they knew where posting there private photo's for scumbags to jerk off too. (I hope it wasn't you Seskus!)

Years went by and my karma returned. Now in my early 20's and looking for love, I jumped on some dating apps. It was only a few days after I signed up that she messaged me, 'Hi :)". It was one of the girls in the numerous photographs I had seen in those years previously. I replied back, "Hey, how are you?". As messages were sent back and fourth, we agreed to meet up. I thought maybe this was a universal sign asking me to protect her, a second chance to let her know. Weeks went by and we had become pretty close. She knew I was into IT and computers, and I would drop hints as to what I use to do and the evil i'd seen. I broke down to her sobbing one night trying to explain the evils I had encountered. She could never understand why I would get so emotional, thinking I was just too much. Though how do you tell someone your falling for that someone they use to know did them evil? That you know someone manipulated her like that without her having and knowledge of it? I did almost everything I could to let her know, but on the other hand, I thought ignorance is bliss, especially for something like that.

We were together for about half a year (not a long time). I truly loved her though and would of done anything to protect her. But the thought of me knowing the past like i did haunted me. No matter how hard I tried to get that off my chest, it burden the relationship to the point that it ruined everything we shared. The end conclusion was she thought I was a emotional mess and too secretive and I decided to end it out of fear. (The worst mistake I've made). I never did tell her the truth.

Now months have passed, she's with someone else and I have the everlasting weight of guilt on my shoulders
If for some reason you ever see this. Know that i'm truly sorry for not being completely honest with you. All I was trying to do in the end was protect you. You were the SUN to my MOON
x

#relationships   #hacker   #past   #karma   #regret   #guilt