Grooming Confessions

I met a guy online and at this time i was new to the app discord. I was a dumb fuck and joined a server with no one i knew. The guy knew my age and still talked to me. He was 21 and i was still a minor. I had no one to reassure me or reach out to. My friend eventually asked about why i was always talking to him and I ended up telling her. She told me to block him but I have no way of saying no. I was roped into another situation with another adult male. He was about 23 or so and he made me super uncomfy but yet again I had no way to say no. I know I should have said no but I have a fear of upsetting people and displeasing people. It's a horrible trait to have but its a struggle. I was diagnosed with anxiety and had to use certain medicines for a while till they fucked me up. Even though I was being treated physically, I was still mentally ill. I had suicidal thoughts and had to go to therapy but that's not my main focus. Either way I still have no Idea how to say no to people. I will always and forever hate older men that I don't know. It's my fault though. Is it? People say it was their faults for taking advantage of me but are they when I can't even say no. It's too complicated. I've gotten somewhat better but I'm getting through now. I've had some time to recover. I cope with writing and music but idc. Fuck U endo and yukki.

#discord   #triggerwarning   #grooming   #ihatemyself