Gerbil Confessions

Roommates have lots of pets. They fight. Bark. Hiss. Tear up. Only one is clean and doesn’t smell like litter box. I have two great fine tuned squirt bottles. The cats get wet face. I’ll hunt them. They even look at my room. Squirt. The dogs get it easier and harder when owners are gone. Special mix of powder and water. Itches. Burns a little. Like when yuh used to prank friends with itching powder. They come home or wake up & a dog is whining and scratching. Whatever.
They mostly steer clear of my room.
Sounds mean? I hear them yelling and cussing. That dog bit me. It ate my shoe. It drug the ham off the table. The cats in the food. It got litter on the food. It chewed a hole in the cushion. It tore up my new shirt. Damn it. Don’t scratch. Get your muddy feet off my dress. I have a date. Now I’ve got to change.
Those damn dogs woke me up all night. I have to goto work. Your dog shit on my carpet.
Help me get the dog. It’s chasing a car. It’s in the neighbors yard barking at 2am. The neighbors cussed me out.
They talk to the animals like humans. Mr shit please get down. That’s the dog that eats shit. There’s a black cat named......black cat.
Mr shit; please quit eating shit.
Here’s a hint. They don’t speak English. However; they do learn that getting in my room makes their nose burn and itch.
Oh Mr shit. What’s wrong. Come see moma mr shit. You wanna go for a ride mr shit.
I love to hear them wonder. You ever notice mr shit doesn’t try to get in his room. I know. He got in my room last night and got in my bed. He stinks. Now my sheets smell like wet dog shit.
I’m not sure how to train the females to quit walking in when I’m nude. Or to get them to wear at least underwear. But I have got the zoo animals under some control.

#crap   #dog   #cat   #rabbit   #gerbil   #fish   #bird   #chicken