Read the best #funny confession stories
At the birthday party of my little sister (it was her 7th birthday) I put vodka into the bowle so the kids get funnier.
#alcohol #vodka #birthday #party #sister #bowle #kids #funny
Hi! I'd like to confess I work in a pizzeria and there's some wit who thinks he can order pizza almost every day around 11 pm. Because we also want to finish, we always put the grossest cheese on the pizza and sometimes he also gets our "special sauce"
I confess that I beat someone up last year because I thought he was a zombie.
Drowsy and half asleep, I was walking to the trash bins, outside of my house around 2 am in the morning. I threw my trash in the bin and then I heard some strange noises right behind me. Someone scuffled and groaned like a zombie. Before I even thought about it, I punched this guy in the face and kicked him in the balls. He then screamed and ran away. It was a homeless guy probably asking for money or food or something.
Back in the 5th grade, us guys goofed around and cut off the long hair of the girls. At that time, we really thought this would be funny. Now when I think about it ( I am 16 now ) it's not fun at all. Sorry girls, I didn't mean to!
Is anyone fart in ur tuition class or burp😂 I have done I think this is embarrassing don’t uh?
#embarresed #funny #lol
I've called the Alcoholics Anonymous and asked them which wine would match perfectly to fish.
They didn't answer me.
One time in school, some kid left his computer on during lunch break. Without hesitation, I searched up “furry hentai”, found the worst image I could find, and made it his desktop background. I also hid several other pictures in various folders just for the hell of it.
#funny #joke #computer #background
I once used my phone as a vibrator (no insertions of course) and didn't thought it was actually going to workjdsjdjs.
I am only able to fulfill my manly act if my girlfriend calls me "the machine".
#machine #manly #act #funny #confession
I live in a multi story building with many foreign families and a lot of them have some kind of trouble with the police, distrainors, lawyers and other creditors. When I'm at home, I often hear that there's someone who keeps ringing the door bell, to talk to one of those families. Apart from me, almost no one of these people work, they are sitting at home all day and watch TV and therefore they know who's standing in front of the door and therefore don't open it. But I'm a helpful person so I let them in by pressing the buzzer for the front door down stairs. It's funny to watch the police while they are trying to get entrance to the flat.
#building #foreign #families #funny #police #lawyers #confession
Every time my sister is bitchy or annoying, I spit on her pillow.
It satisfies me to know that she sleeps on that pillow without knowing anything.
I got my little brother drunk. He's 16 years old and had some friends over, they had some beer with them and some tequila but none of them drank very much. When they left, I showed my brother what he could to with all the leftovers. I mixed him a very special cocktail, containing 4 cans of beer, half a glas of tequila and some vodka.
He drank all of it, we had some fun but then I sent him to bed.
The next morning the whole living room was covered in vomit. My brother had to clean up the mess; my luck was that he don't remember anything, so I denied giving him that much alcohol.
#alcohol #vodka #cocktail #drunk #vomit #funny #brother #confess
I always had a fantasy of stripping in front of older women but I was to shy and scared. I used to stay nude mostly when my parents were out one day i decided to go out in my building corridor naked and locked the door in excitement of that. Thank god i had keys and it was afternoon so it suspect anybody around but before I could open the door the lady came from the front house came out and saw me naked with full erection. Fumbling and trying to explain why was I out like that and struggling to open my door with keys I anyhow got in and she never mentioned it to my parents but even today if she goes down with me in the lift I feel so embarrassed.
My girlfriend and I (m/30) have been together for around 10 years now. Her family is originally from Russia. Shortly, after we got together, she invited me to her birthday party with her family. Up until then, I never met her family or knew much about them. Of course I agreed to come and got her a nice present and some flowers for her mother. I actually thought that it would be a small and quiet celebration.
Oh boy, was I wrong.
When we pulled up to her parents' house, I was overwhelmed. It was (still is) a really big house with fine decour and everything. I got rather nervous that her family would not like me as they obviously were playing in another league than me.
So, it was a huge party and all her family from all around the country and from Russia came to celebrate. And as you might know, the Russians love their vodka. Everyone was very kind and everyone wanted to drink with me. As soon as my glass was empty, another relative came my way holding vodka shots. My girlfriend was very busy talking to everyone and did not notice what happened until it was too late.
So, we danced, we took shots, the food was amazing. Until I noticed that I wasn't feeling so well. I didn't make it back to the bathroom, but puked all over myself, the floor and some landed on my girlfriend's mother... I was mortified!
Somehow, my girlfriend, her mother and her aunt managed to get me into the bathtub and hosed me down. They got me a pyjama of my girlfriend's dad and they put me to bed.
The next morning when I woke up I felt horrible. I was utterly ashamed, but still went down for breakfast. Everyone still present was smirking and laughing at me, but it seemed everything in good fun. Her mother came up to me with a bottle of vodka shortly after and asked if I wanted to do some shots. I almost puked on her again.
So I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest before our wedding in June when I have to see her whole family again.
#girlfriend #russian #vodka #drunk #puked #embarrassing #family #celebration #party #bathroom #funny #ashamed #confession #wedding #russia
As a child, I occasionally went to my neighbours on the evening and turned on the light of their car. It was a very old one, so it was never locked.
The next day I waited for the fight which would occur. She insulted him because he had let the lights on - again.
Hihihi.
I want to do a preventive penance. I promise to everyone who will get near my car to hurt, damage or destroy her, that I will kill him or her.
I am not a violent person but I won't let anything happen to my baby.
When it comes to my car, it's not funny anymore!
I change some of wikipedia's entries just to mess with people. Most of the facts and stuff I change stay like that.
I don't regret anything; it's you own fault when you believe everything which is written on wikipedia.
As kids me and my brother always hid the poop of our dogs in the newspapers of our neighbours.
I read every confession on this site. I should be working right now but I don't want to, it's just too damn funny.
#confession #work #funny #lazy
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