Flatmate Confessions

I share a flat with this dude and we get along quite well but we also have to share the bathroom and he always takes ages in there. We have to get up at the same time in the morning that can be tricky sometimes.
One night after a crazy night out partying I woke up hungover as hell but I noticed that I really needed to take a shit. Off to the bathroom I went only to see my flatmate closing the doof in my face. I thought I could hold it so I went back to my bed to wait it out. Oh boy. 20 minutes later and I could still hear the water running and it was getting critical. I really needed to take a dump.
After much debating I took my trash can and made my business in there. And oh lord that smell. You cannot believe what 20 beers and a late night pizza can do to your stomach! Disgusting.
After I done the deed I took the garbage bag (thank god there was one in there) and went out the back and threw it over the fence. I think it landed in our neighbours garden.
I am really sorry for whoever found that stinkbomb!!!!!

#dude   #flatmate   #sharing   #bathroom   #shit   #dump  

I'd like to confess something BIG.
I share a flat with my best friend (both M/22). He is in a relationship with the horrendous and absolutely terrifying bitch walking the earth. No one of our friends understands why he is still with her. She treats him terribly, always making condescending remarks, she even slapped him once!
We all tried talking to him reasonably to see that he could do so much better, but to no vain. So, we kind of agreed that he would eventually get it himself.
Oh well... everything came a bit differently than we had thought.

I was out drinking with some friends in a pub (best mate not with us as he had to attend to her mayesty's call aka 'the bitch') and I got quite drunk and actually managed to hook up with this beautiful girl.
We were both intoxicated but somehow managed to end up back at my place. We had sex twice and once more in the morning and then she left, also leaving me her number (I am yet to call her). After my sex-induced haze (still in bed at this point) I noticed that I was actually not in MY bed. But in my flatmate's. I had to have been rather pissed for not noticing.
Oh well. I did not think much of it, simply went to my room and got some more sleep.

Sometime while I was sleeping my flatmate got home and half an hour later his devilspawn followed.
I woke up to shouting and screaming.
To make a long story short: I left my used condoms in my mate's room and his "girlfriend" found it and thought he was cheating on her in the half hour it took her to get to his place. She wouldn't listen to his reasoning that he could not have had sex with another girl in that short period of time. And especially not three times (we had sex three times remember).
She screamed some more, threw some pillows and stuff around, but finally left exclaiming that she was done with him and not to contact her ever again. Before she left she told (or rather shouted) that she never loved him and cheated on him quite often in the last year.

He was gobsmacked at first and couldn't fathom what just happened. After the initial shock he deduced that those must have been me condoms. I actually thought he would be mad. But he thanked me. Really, he THANKED ME.

Yeah mate, you dodged a bullet there.
You're welcome.

#ex   #girlfriend   #hookup   #condoms   #sex   #woops   #misunderstanding   #cheating   #flatmate