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When my fiance died, I was 26. We had been best friends since age 10 and did not start dating until I was 20 and in college. Considering how abusive my stepfather and mothers marriage was, my fiance always consistently made me feel safe and was very much a shelter in the storm. Reliable and protective in a way that I never had to worry about anything. I was very naieve to how much my fiance was worth or that they were one of the top ten wealthiest families in America. I've met people with money but never anyone so generous towards me: emotionally, physically, financially, sexually. Would go to pay a bill for a class or utility bill and it had already been paid. It is rare to meet anyone who 'sees your need, and meets your need,' without even having to ask. Why ask anyone to buy you yellow roses? If the intention or initative is not there to show someone love and kindness what is the point. People should go the distance to show you love, and you should go the distance for others. It creates a mutual reciprocity, a flow.
My fiances death, was interpreted by my body as hearthreaking pneumonia over the loss of my 16 year companion. For 5 years in a row I continued to catch pneumonia on the day that my fiance died like clockwork. Until I found out from working with a group of monks to heal in the mountains of San Francisco I had to face a deep grief known as survivors guilt for still being alive. After that, I never caught pneumonia again.
Fast forward to the pandemic and a man from mainland China comes off the plane directly into our spa in Jan of 2020, the owner who never gets sick, like once every 4 years went down like the titanic. Then I went down for two weeks but recovered quickly. In the process the blood banks were having shortages and offered to pay me $100 a pint because a lab out of State wanted to use my juice for making serum for cancer and transplant patients. Without blood donations or the serum neither can get treatment or transplants and die. The irony, the loss of a great love and all those years of being sick in fact made me immune to CoVid. Who knew God had a plan under all the pain.
I buried a family member this week, and have been feeling under the weather. Was around too many people maskless, and I am exempt via a Doctor for vaccines due to creating serum. My left lung hurts and I am coughing with a mild fever, I wonder if this is it? I have been here on prison planet existing without the love of my life and best friend for 22 years and I am tired of being here.
Beyond family, I have learned you can expend a lot of energy caring and supporting people. But no one sincerely cares about your emotional, physical or financial well being- people are raised to be too selfish and self serving. Only concerned about what they can get from you or what you can do for them. I think about all the people my family and I have helped along the way for years and not one of them has cared to check in on me or my family to see if we are alright during the pandemic without me first making the effort. What a waste of kindness, and effort when everyone is in survival mode. The worst is nothing your extremely wealthy friends see your suffering and instead of helping you just sit back and watch you continue to struggle. It is one of the greatest disappointments when it is within their power to empower you.
Sometimes when I go to sleep at night and close my eyes, I secretly hope not to wake up. To leave the cruelty of this world behind and wake up in the dreamy arms of the one person in my entire life that not only loved me in words, but in deed consistently. No lip service. No games. No drama. No flakiness. I dated a lot of people afterwards, many of which know nothing about loving others in a healthy way. So much so I just gave up hope of ever finding or meeting anyone, because peoples issues and drama just burned me out. Then they perceive you as either; not rich enough, skinny enough, wearing the right superficial labels or driving the right car, or your unwillingness to sponsor their gold diggeritis. It's just ridiculous and compounded with the fact peoples medical addicitions come in two, no thanks. After working in nursing, you learn so many people are just toxic and abusive. Humanity needs to change to a more loving and compassionate mindset, instead of this fear based survival exploitation mode. I was backstabbed for the last time by 2nd fiance, and by my own sister and mother last summer that I was trying to help and shall pass on being close to anyone. I trust no one anymore, as it is better to be alone than settle for less than you are worth. 90% of the planet are assholes, and the ones you think aren't are. I refuse to settle for this planets version of shit love and lust because they are ignorant to what true love and caring for another genuinely means. Grateful I did not have to spend my life searching for love or sleep around to find it when God blessed me with wonderful you, my true friend, my ally, my angel in this life and beyond.
I have survived long enough without you, I know you are proud of me, but I am ready to return home to you forever because it has been a very lonely, beautiful and disappointing journey far from the waking joyful dreams of our southern mansion surrounded by trees filled with spanish moss, sharing lemonade on a hot sunny day, skinny dippin on the beach and dancing under the southern stars with the laughter of our unborn children in the air. The world has forgotten that love, shared with those you love is everything, never take it for granted and stop wasting time listening to your own excuses that hold you back from love. Tell the people you love that you love them, that they matter, that you are grateful for their existence. See their need and meet the need without having to be asked. Make every sunrise and sunset count.
Forever Grateful for my fiance Lee being my love light in the darkness of this world and allowing me to carry that love with me like a Tesla solar backpack of love to complete the work I must do. And I have done a lot. Sweet dreams my love. Hope to see you soon if any of these variants will do their job, so to expedite matters I refused any medicine or medical treatment during the pandemic.
March 3rd, the two year countdown begins...your interstellar wife is finally coming home.
#fiance #grief #love #relationships #covid
So excited my boyfriend proposed. What 18 yo girl could say no? A few months later I knew I could not live with him. I made a mistake and needed out of this dud of a boy. I tried to talked to so many but I was told how wrong it would be to not follow through. I ended up finding someone with empathy, his dad. His father was also engaged so maybe it made the talks more relaxed. Somehow the two of us ended up in a secret relationship. Now we are in love looking for a way to move on without our deadbeat wanna be mates. Nothing to confess, just wanted let be known I should not feel guilty for improving my relationship. I could use advice on how to break the news.
#love #relations #guilt #baddecision #pregnant #sex #father #fiance #advice
I separated from my boyfriend after three years. I was young, exploring the world. So I didn't see anything wrong with him being mean to me, yelling, drinking.... However, he was very masculine, confident, I loved how he dominated me during sex. I was submissive like a little kitten, I let him do everything, even being violent....
At the end of the relationship, I met my current fiancé. He is a loving, caring ... Also in bed. We decided after a few years that I would not take the pill. Nevertheless, I still couldn't get over it and didn't let him come inside me.
However, a year ago I met my ex when he was shopping. We chatted, I went to his place for coffee and somehow it happened that I succumbed again. Triumphantly he fucked me again as if I were a whore, and I begged him to be harder on me, and later, all battered I begged him to impregnate me.... Which I allowed him to do. Since then, I dated him behind my fiancé's back, got pregnant and now have a two-month-old daughter. My fiancé further doesn't know that I don't think she is his....
And now, even though the pregnancy wiped me out and the delivery was terrifying, twice before I went back on the pill (I regret it a little... But it's safer that way), I let my ex come inside me again.... I'm stepping on thin ice but I can't stop....
#cheating #pregnant #impregnation #betrayal #engaged #fiance #adultery
Sexual harassment. When I was younger I tried to help women being sexually harassed. I live in one of those red states where poor employees have no rights.
All my attempts to help did were cause me grief. It’s how they keep the working people in their place in red states.
So when I married; if my wife was sexually harassed I just dealt with it the hood way.
In the hood cops are afraid to enter. If they do; instead of helping, they harass you for calling them. I don’t blame the cops. They are pressured to keep crime reports down so cities get funding.
Teachers also don’t protect students in any school with section 8 students in it.
So everyone has to learn hood rules. Black; white; Hispanic. If you’ve lived in gang areas you know what I’m talking about. If not you think I’m either crazy or lying. Those of us who have been shot at just for trying to walk to school; seen people die; been stabbed as kids for no reason, we know our truth.
So I married a nice lady. If someone sexuality harassed her I’d ask for details. Then I’d deal with it my way. Once she told me things were better I’d stop. She never had a clue of course. She’d just know the sexual harasser had stopped bothering her; found a new job, or whatever.
I don’t feel bad about this. As a Christian I know I’m a good person. I try to follow the law. But if your society won’t protect you or those you love, then you do it yourself.
I kneel to only God.
I cheated on my best friend, with her fiance. I will call him Seth. When I first met him, I didn't like him on sight. The feeling was mutual. Seth was incredibly good looking, extremely tall and muscular. My friend desperately wanted us to get along but every time Seth looked at me, I felt his judgement and his annoyance. It was like he wanted my friend all to himself and I felt like I was losing her. I hated how good looking he was. I hated how perfect he was for her. I would look at him and he would literally make me angry. I can't really describe why. Two years pass, and they were engaged to be married. Seth and I still disliked each other but we had become quite good at playing polite company with each other and avoiding each other like the plague.
It was the Thursday before their wedding which was taking place on Saturday. I was a bridesmaid and my best friend was understandably freaking out about her wedding, as all brides do. Their wedding was taking place at an old winery - that had the most epic yard and house. The house was not lived in and they got the keys to the place on Thursday so they could start decorating. There was this beautiful winding staircase that they were going to take their pictures on. Anyways. I came by Thursday after work to help decorate. My friend and Seth were both there too. Seth and I were hanging hundreds of strings of fake flowers on that staircase banner. My friend had to leave early and she made some joke to Seth and I about not killing each other.
So Seth and I finished up in silence and then, almost in a peace offering, he went to the kitchen and brought me back a beer. We sat on those winding old steps and I finally got up the nerve and asked, "Why do you hate me so much?" He looked over at me and said, completely straight-faced, "Because every time I see you, I want to fuck your brains out."
I had no idea what to say about that, so I just sucked back that beer so that I had an excuse not to speak. I had two thought in my mind. 1) I want to fuck him too 2) He is my best friend's fiance. Never before have I ever been so torn in my life. I decided that I loved my best friend and that I just needed to get the heck out of there. I stood up, and turned to him and said, "That explains a lot. I know you love my best friend. I love her too. Let's just never talk about this again."
That is when he reached out, and I will never forget this moment as long as I live, he slide his hand up my thigh and then his fingers were up my shorts. I moaned and my legs against my will were spreading apart and he was fingering me like I have never been fingered before. I almost came. I was panting and looking at him and he was just staring at me. He yanked my shorts down, and then he was pulled me closer and his face was between my legs. And oh Lord, his tongue. Jesus. Between that and his two very big fingers I came so hard all over his face.
Next thing I knew, I was on my hands and knees and without a condom, he was crushing me with his huge cock. I mean that thing was a monster. And I was bracing myself against those steps while he pounded me, absolutely fucked me to shit on those steps. He was yanking my head back with my hair and was saying things like, "I have never wanted to fuck anyone as much as I wanted to fuck you. The moment I saw you my cock was hard. This has been two years of torture." I have never been so turned on in my life. I had two orgasms during that and then he came inside of me. Without a condom.
When we were finished, we were both panting like we had run a marathon. I kind of moaned and said, "Oh no. Now what?" He said, "Well, the damage is done, let's enjoy this." We went upstairs and found the bride's room where there was a couch and chairs and I straddled him. He was tender that time, kissing me and kissing me while he slowly fucked me. I came twice more and then he came inside of me. Again without a condom. Then we jumped into the pool and swam around naked. Playing and drinking beer. Laughing. It was like I wasn't even with my friend's fiance. This was a completely different guy. He was funny and fun and sexy and interesting. I lay on the edge of the pool, my legs spread, staring up at the night sky. He stood in the pool and held my legs apart and pushed his tongue into me and made me come apart three times, never stopping, not even when I begged him. I loved how forceful he was. How demanding he was. I knelt on the grass and he held my head, pushing my mouth on that huge dick until I was choking and drooling, and he never let go until he was finished with my mouth. He never came in my mouth, but boy he sure liked my lips around him. The last time, he lay me down on the lounger by the pool and knelt in front of me. He put my legs on his huge shoulders and pushed so hard and deep into me. He just stared into my eyes and I orgasm-ed all over his cock twice more before he finally came inside of me.
It was 3 AM. We pulled on our clothes, made sure everything was in order and he walked me to the car. The last thing he said to me was, "Tell me not to marry her. I want to be with you. Tell me not to marry her." I just shook my head, got into my car. I bawled the entire way home. I wasn't sure if it was because I cheated on my best friend or because she was marrying the best sex I had ever had in my life.
They got married. I was the bridesmaid. Looking at him you would never know that had happened. He was back to being a complete jerk that ignored me. It confused me. We were all standing on those steps, getting our pictures taken. My best friend was so happy. Everyone was happy. All I could think of was that I had fucked Seth two nights ago on these steps. Yet here he was ignoring me. Except one glance. He looked back at me and his look said, he remembered everything. He looked completely tortured. And my heart was pounding so hard. I couldn't look at him after that. It was too hard.
During the reception, first there was the bride and groom dance and then all the other dances and then my best friend led Seth over to me and said, "Please. You two. I need you to kiss and make up. You two need to learn to like each other." And she forced us onto the dance floor. So we started to dance, it was a slow dance. Super fucking awkward. We didn't talk and I could see the bride giggling off to the side with the other bridesmaids. She thought this was funny. I thought he was being a jerk again until I felt his huge erection brush against my stomach. Our eyes met. We didn't say a word. As the song came to a close, he leaned down and said, "I hope I fucking knocked you up because I want nothing more than to be with you." I swear my knees almost gave out when he whispered those words to me.
He didn't knock me up.
Six months passed. We continued to ignore each other and be rude to each other. My friend just rolled her eyes. She told us that we must have hated each other in a past life. Little did she know that we were just working so hard to not cheat on her again.
Their marriage broke up. She was a mess. I was a mess. I comforted her. She said he just came home one day and said, "I thought you were the one but you aren't. And I can't live like this anymore." And that was it. He moved his stuff out. He had zero interest in reconciling. It was over. No amount of pleading or begging from her changed his mind.
Part of me was relieved. I thought, I no longer had to torture myself around him. No longer had to worry that I was going to slip up and cheat again. What was done was done. I could move on in my life. Except I didn't. The last person I had slept with had been him and no matter how much I tried, I had no interest in dating anyone. I felt like I was almost as heart sick as my friend.
Another six months passed. One night, my door bell rang, I opened my door and he was standing there. Staring at me. He just lifted me up, shut the door and fucked me right there on the foyer floor. We never even made it to the couch that was 5 feet away. We fucked and fucked and fucked. I kept telling myself that if I could only get this man out of my system, I would be cured. But the more we screwed, the more screwed I was.
We've been together for a year. Blindingly hot sex that just gets better and better. We have kept it a secret. I know the moment I tell my friend, she will dump me. I know the moment I tell our friends or my family or anyone, we will be judged and hated. I don't want to lose her and I don't want to hurt her.. I feel enormous guilt over this but he is like my drug. He is my world. I can't get enough of him. It's a mess. But when his cock is buried deep inside of me, I know that nothing else matters.
Can you confess if you keep on sinning?
Im a 14 year old girl on my way to go fuck my 17 year old boyfriend. My parents think im going to go see a movie. But he lives right by the movie theater so were gonna sneak over as soon as my parents leave. He says he wants to make me feel good and special. He said he wants to show me how much he loves me. I can't wait i love him so much.
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