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I once led a football team to an undefeated season as QB. I was an orphan. I refused to ever play sports again. I’d hoped someone would want me as their child if I was good at sports. But no one did. I once made a bunch of A’s. No one wanted me. I hate me. I am the only person I hate. I can’t look at my face. I hate my voice. I hate everything about me.
Women used to ask me out. They just wanted sex because I’m so attractive. But they never wanted me. Even the one person I thought that loved me couldn’t. It’s not them. It’s me. No one can love me. I’m just too fucked up. God doesn’t even love me.
I wish God had never made me. He doesn’t love me. I waited my whole life. He’s never been there for me.
I’d never undo my life. I’ve helped too many. I’ve saved lives. My children are amazing. But I’m not. I am nothing.
I tried to delude myself. But I no longer can.
My parents gave me away. I realize everything they said about me is true. I’m proof that God isn’t perfect. He makes mistakes. He doesn’t love all of us.
All those years of physical and sexual abuse. Being disabled. A disease that’s so painful and debilitating.
My ex used to tell me there’s people who have it worse. Well sure. There’s dead people. So I’m ahead of dead people. She said you could be homeless.
I have been homeless. I’ve slept in my car. I have no home. I have nothing but debt. I guess it could be worse. But I wish it was better.
My parents put me on disability when I was young but the problem lies in the method I think. Forgive me God. I don't know how to fix it. Scratch that I do but I'm terrified not just for me but for them. Also when my brother was living with I practically kicked him out on the street. He's In jail now. I think it's my fault. I'm an embarrassment to my parents.
God I’ve prayed to you my entire life. But your never here for me. I’ve served you my entire life. But your never here for me. It’s pretty pathetic that I care more; and show more love, than you do. I care more than most of your Churches do. Why is that God? I feel like I’m always the one trying to stand up to an overwhelming flood of despair. And your never anywhere to be seen. Did you just retire and not tell us?
Well if you want me to do your job why don’t you at least give me a chance. Your about as useful as that dad you stuck me with.
I know i should be happy if people around me find their success,but i can't help it i'm jealous.They seems know what they do unlike me.I'm lost i don't know what to do.I'm such a waste and failure.
I failed everyone I love so badly. I destroyed them. I didn’t mean too.
I’ve been hanging on for so long for the few moments they need me. But my disease is so hard. It’s why I failed them. It’s so hard to fight to live every day. I wish God had given me a fair chance in life.
I'm 19. I've been living with depression for 10 years and every day is a struggle. As a result of being barely able to function, I've barely finished a three year culinary highschool (In my country you finish elementary school at the age of 15 and then you choose a profession and go to school accordingly. Three year professions are the shitty ones and you cant go to college to them), and I'm a chef that cant cook and hates his profession. I have no job and I'm not qualified for anything besides slaving in a kitchen.
I want to do another year of highschool so I could go to college but my education is too shit so there's no way that I can pass math and french.
I have no money, no job, no friends, no girlfriend, I'm fat and my dad hates me while my mom sees me as a disappointment. I haven't achieved a single thing that I could be proud of. I'd be happy to kill myself but I don't want to burden my family with an expensive funeral.
I'm forced to watch my life crumble and to live in poverty while all the people I know achieve things that are out of my grasp.
I'm scared.
#sad #depressed #depression #confession #failure #help #disappointment
Im a terrible person. Those women most men want but can’t get? I got them. They would chase after me. But they judged me. They saw every tiny flaw. I had to stay cut. Dress well. I was compared to men in movies. So I judged them too. Most had to look incredible. I only made exceptions for people who I felt emotions for. But I broke their hearts. I’m having a really hard time forgiving myself. I broke an amazing womans heart. She was my forever. I fucked it up. Then somehow an incredible woman from my past was in my life again. I told her she needed to lose weight & to find someone else. I didn’t mean it. I was just hurting her so she’d hate me & find someone better. I don’t want anyone else to waste their love on me. Why do I hurt people who love me? But I’m not going to hate myself. For some reason a lot of random people in the world are happy when I’m around. I don’t know why. But if I quit, I’m telling them to quit. They need to see me strong. I think I look like one of those super hero's in movies. I think I make people feel safe. So I must try for them. Just don’t fall in love with me ladies. I’m not worth loving. I may look like a dream. But looks are all I have. All those women who just wanted sex with me, I get it now. Thats really all I am. Just a great moment. That guy who looked like a movie star & was amazing in bed. I spend hours in foreplay. Hours of passion. But then I’m just some guy. Its not them. Its me. Probably my fucked up childhood. I do wish I could undo the pain I caused to women who loved me. I feel that pain. Had I just felt it before I hurt them. I wish I could undo the tears I caused. But life isn’t about quitting. Its about being strong for others. So I’m going to try to fight for others if I can. Even if I have to spend the rest of my days alone. It looks like that is my future. I didn’t want that again. But love is sacrifice for others. No one else has to love or want me. I will love them anyways. I will try. But I’ve hid the truth from them. I’m very sick. I don’t know how much more I have left. But a hero never stops. I probably do need to lose weight. People always point that out. Even strangers. Isn’t it funny when a stranger tells you how great you look, but then points out your fat & need better clothes. Then I turn around and do that too. Hopefully I will change that about myself. But I need to lose weight. No one wants to stare at a chunky sexy guy.
Mom says she should have aborted me. Dad said worse. They were right.
I tried so hard, but I failed.
God in heaven this girl that works at Taco Bell is so insanely gorgeous. I wish I could be with her I'd be the happiest guy on the planet. Instead I've been single for over a decade and hate my skinny appearance. I'll probably die alone.
I’m very sick. I would never tell anyone just how sick I really am. I’d hide it so they wouldn’t worry. I gave up on docs. I tried what they said. They cant fix it. So I just endure. I try to always smile & pretend to be better. I even try to help society however I can. But I’m really useless now. Even so, I hang on. I am sorry for failing those I love.
When the pandemic hit I did my best to help inspire & entertain. But I’m tired. I want to stop now. I don’t think I really made a difference anyways.
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