Ending Confessions

Death. I almost died right before this pandemic hit. I’m so tired. I saw so many hurting. I did my best to offer encouragement. To offer advice. To try to save some who were hurting. To help the people I love.
But death finds us all. It’s undefeated. I don’t know how much longer I can fight this disease off. I’m amazed I’m still alive.
I think I’m going to have to stop trying to help random people. It’s my nature to do so. But I just don’t have anything left to give. Plus I’m alone. Someone told me I’m selfless. That probably is true. But even a star eventually burns out.
I’m so lonely. I’m going to die all alone. Oh I’ll never just give up. But I can’t hold Back death forever. I kept hoping someone would need or want me again. But this pandemic & fate seems to have conspired against me. The world is full of sadness. I did my best to make it smile.
If this is my end I finally pulled my mask off and winked at the world. I fear I may have wasted much of my life giving too much of myself. Perhaps I was just an idiot when all is said & done.

#acceptance   #surrender   #ending   #disease   #death  

I'm unemployed and because I am lazy I cancelled college. Now I live at home again, my parents pay for me and I just spend their money on useless stuff or booze. I party almost every weekend, I get drunk and pay drinks for the ladies.
I beg for money and lend money from my friends. But I don't think about giving it back, occasionally they'll forget.
Well the biggest problem is not the begging and the laziness, it's simply that I can't care for myself... that bothers me.

#laziness   #unemployed   #money   #parents   #begging   #lending   #friends   #egoist