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I've fallen so behind on all my school work I just hate myself for it. My anger issues have returned after being controlled for 3 years. I fell like a failure after all my low grades. I'm trying to get into a school with one third acceptance rate but I know I won't get there if I can't get my shit together. I feel like shit. I wish I knew what I was doing. I need to see my therapist again. At this point, I feel defeated and like I'll just settle for a university I know I'll get into. There, I'll at least have maybe somewhat of a chance to explore my sexuality. I'm just trying to be optimistic. Its kinda awful to be optimistic given my circumstances, but there's nothing else to do. If I don't have that, then I won't care. So maybe I will kiss a guy if I ultimately fail at life this year. At least there's that.
I kicked my mother in her stomach. She pushed me to that point. She's abusive and has been unloving. My childhood and adulthood have been miserable. I just couldn't take it anymore. I feel bad now.
my report card came out a month ago and my dad is still mad at me. he emotionally abuses me by calling me names and insults. i’m 16. the fact that i am scared of him, scared to explain myself is frustrating me. i got 2As, 3Bs, and 3Cs. my school’s grade boundaries go down to a U. i thought i did pretty well until my dad screamed at me about it; how i was a “lazy bitch” and how i “don’t deserve anything.” until this day he still says that i am useless and scolds me. last night, he told my mom that he was sending me to public school and that that was that. i was devastated. this is my last year. i can’t just be pulled out and put into a school with a different system. he isn’t giving me a chance. he doesn’t trust me. that breaks my heart that no one in my house trusts that if given this last chance, i can get better grades. i hate to be constantly screamed at and insulted at. i hate that my dad screams at me for every single small mistake i do. my dad never lets me turn the ac at night. last night i was sleeping with my grandparents and they had told me that they wanted the ac turned on. so i did. this morning my dad had lashed out at me for wasting electricity by turning it on. my mom came in defense of me and explained that my grandparents had wanted it turned on. he stormed off and left. i want to run away. i’m 16 and there’s a certain extent to how much i can sustain myself. what do i do?
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