Drown Confessions

My confession is that i tried to kill myself.
Everything just got too much for me. I never told anyone about it so it's kinda big deal that i write this now.
tried to drown myself but in the end i hadn't had the guts to do it.
But i know now that i have to change something bcause it can't go on like this....

#suicide   #confession   #drowning  

I got in touch with a group of older male sadists, who lived as a modern-day version of the Victorian "Hellfire" Club, and negotiated with them, to keep me a prisoner, most of the time in a rubber-lined body-bag from the 70's I got at a Surplus Store.. I was in an underground dungeon, straight out of a Hammer Movie, and like I say, in the bag most of the time! What I wanted, and they were delighted to provide, was non-stop face-fucking through the small nylon zipper installed in the bag, across my mouth. What I couldn't swallow ended up in the bag with me, and before too long, I was 'marinating' in come, always being added to! I had about a quart in my stomach too! They shared me around, threatened me most fearfully with permanent occupation of my bag....I mean PERMANENT! Scared me more than it excited me, for once! I sloshed and slid around in the strong rubber, close to drowning in come! They loved to lift my feet up, so the entire contents submerged my head, and I was close to drowning! The original 'deal' was a week, but they "persuaded" me easily into a second week, then a third! One of them was a doctor, and told them that was enough, or he wouldn't be responsible for my continued health. So, I was untied, they all left, and I did too reluctantly. Never even saw any of them, wouldn't recognize them if I did, and I still dream about a return to those days, years later!

#dungeon  

I tried to kill my cat several times now.
Tried to run her over.
Tried to drown her.
Tried to starve her.
Nothing's working, I don't understand that.

Now a friend of mine told me that it's reprehensible to torture an animal like that but I don't agree with him. It's just an animal, not a human being.
But it kept me thinking, is my behavior bad?
I don't think so..

#cat   #die   #murder   #drown   #starve   #morally   #confess