Dope Confessions

im 17, my mom is a drug attict but i love her to death, she does heroin, and crack, this year 2016, i started to do herion somtimes and smoke crack sometimes, i just started because i have triedd other drugs just for the experience but i wonderd why my mom does heroin and cack all the time.. now i know the reason, but anywayone day i got a bag of heroin from my mom, she is aware i do it somtimes. anyway, i do this bag of heroin and i felt amazing, all i rember is closing my eyes, apperently i was dead, my body was purple from no oxygen and i wasnt breathing so my mom and my bestfriend who was there but she didnt know i was on drugs, they called the ambuence and they had to stick somthing up my nose so i can start breathing again, i woke up in the hospital and once i was told that i was dead i flipped out, i actually want to die, anyway after that i stopped for a while but now i do it again, yesterday night i did 2 bags of dope, the first one i did about 8pm, i didnt really feel what i wanted by 9pm so i did another one, about 20 min later i was smoking a blunt of weed with my sister and i wasnt feeling good at all, my head felt ike it was going to explode, so i put the blunt out and went into my house, i said goodnight to everyone and to her, i went in my room and i already knew i was overdosing, i tried so hard to keep myself awake because i didnt want to die so randomly, like i wasnt ready, i kept myself up untill 3 am and then finally said fuck it and went to bed, i woke up fine buti just been thinking since then.. why didnt i just lt it happen, maybe i want to live?.. idk but i really want to do it again and end it,,

#dope   #drugs   #sadness   #selfharm