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I want to shoot myself in the fucking mouth. I can't do anything right and I'm not good enough for my girlfriend. I just want it all to end
When I was 13 I would cut myself. Mostly, because I got bullied everyday for being gay. I tried killing myself 6 times. I would cut more then 7 times a day. It went on for about 6 months. Then I went to a treatment centre. I tried wearing shirts with short sleeves, but sometimes I can get really insecure about the scars on my arms. But I have fully recovered from self-harm. I survived. I got through it. I know how hard life can be. But just hold on for a little longer. It could change your life. Stay strong.
—Danny
Hello!
I confess to being a cocaine addict, among other things that I want to confess about. This is a long story and I will keep it as short as possible. It all started when I was in middle school, just as I was finishing 8th grade, i had reached a point in my life where I had become aware of how alone I was. I was being bullied my whole life in high school but only when I turned 14 did the loneliness begin to really hit me. I wanted to fit in with everyone so badly that I was willing to do anything. Once, I saw a group of popular kids doing drugs in the bathroom stall and they caught me looking at them. I asked if I could join and they didn't believe that a girl like me would even dare to do drug with them and thats when the insecure little girl inside me forced me to put aside all rationality and I just went for it. Since that day I have been battling addiction, depression and anxiety. I have to spend the rest of my life popping pills for my withdrawal symptoms and depression and I have to work my ass off to get my self-esteem back on track all for a second of impulsivity. Till today, I would say that i regret no thinking of the consequences. I regret not thinking of myself or my family before jumping into the trap. More than anything, I want to go back to the day and get the last 6 years of my life back...
Sometimes I feel like I would die and nobody would even care. A lot of people know I’m depressed and I guess they try and act nice to me about it.
Note: try
I hate the pity they give me and whenever I bring it up, they would always so “no I actually mean it. If you have something to say, you can always tell me” then when I tell them, they look at me like I’m crazy.
When I was moving to secondary school I had plenty of friends and was always the centre of attention but as soon as I moved to secondary I started to fade away like nobody notice me so at the time I thought it would be a great idea to fake my depression/suicidal thoughts to get attention I would post on social media about how I wanted to die and that nobody cared about me anymore. And it worked I was getting a lot of attention and I loved it until my childhood best friend who meant a lot to me went and told my parents I know she was only doing it to protect me but the only reason I stated doing this so she would give me more attention, I felt like shit my parents asked me why I was posting this stuff and I couldn’t tell them the real reason because I was to embarrassed and I thought they would hate me for it so I just told them that I was being bullied. I said that I was being picked on by 4 boys which I kinda was but it was only inside jokes they would call me 4 eyes and pick on me put we always saw it as a joke so I just blamed it on that, and it worked my parents told the school about the boys and they were punished and I felt so bad I actually thought about killing myself but after all this my parents took me out of school to home school me this was the worst point of my life.
My best friend slowly drifted from me I was losing all my friends and I had no one left, my parents put me into therapy (it didn’t work because there was nothing to work on). A whole year goes by of me being home schooled I’m trapped indoors most of the time because my parents won’t let me go out and I couldn’t use social media anymore so I had no way of contacting my best friend, at this point my mental state started deteriorating I was going insane until I finally snapped and ran away. I wasn’t gone for long as I had no where to go but the first place I went to was to go see my best friend she lived quite close to me so it wasn’t really a problem so I went to go see her but she didn’t want to see me I was confused until I talked to another close friend of mine and released that the whole school knew I was faking my depression for attention my heart sank because I knew that everybody would hate me now and I would lose everyone. After all this I went home and my parents were talking to the police because they were scared that I was gonna try kill myself, when I got inside the house my parents told me that they are sending me to hospital to be put on suicidal watch i didn’t want to go but I had to while I was there I saw my phone in my mothers bag and I grabbed it to try msg my best friend and explain things but when I logged into Instagram I saw hate groups mate for me saying that I should actually kill myself I felt awful but what made me hate myself even more is the fact that my best friend had blocked me and sent me a message saying that she wanted nothing to do with me my heart sank. I had lost everything I had nothing left I just wanted the pain that I caused to end so I stood up and ran to the canteen, the canteen didn’t have anything sharp in it other than the knifes they were not to sharp to stop people from killing themselves but I made it work I grabbed one and ran to the toilets I quickly locked the door some of the nurses noticed what i was doing and tried kicking down the door, I tried slitting my throught with the knife but it wouldn’t go deep enough and by the time I managed to make the knife sharp enough they had already broken down the door I was taken away from there and put into a mental hospital where I have stayed for 4 years I don’t know what my ex friends are up to now but all I know is they don’t care about me anymore no one does and it’s all my fault I only wanted my best friend to show me more attention because deep down I loved her but I was to afraid to tell her.
Sorry about the really bad English and grammar I haven’t really learned much seeing as most of my time as been spent in this hell hole my hour on the phone is nearly up so I got to go but if I was to give you a life lesson do not fake mental illness for attention it completely fucked up my life and I don’t think i will ever be able to reedem myself goodbye
And Izzy if your reading this I’m sorry I always loved you but I was to afraid to say it maybe in another life I wouldn’t be so selfish and just puck up the corage to ask you out.
#depression #bestfriend #love #suicidal #suicide #attention #fake
I confess I am and always will be in love with two women. One who is truly my best friend, partner and the mother of my child. The other is the most passionate, complex and hopelessly broken woman I have ever known.
I am with and will be faithful to my partner. She has stayed by my side through good times and bad. When I see her smile I'm as giddy as I was the day I mustered the courage to ask her out and she said yes, all those years ago. She is my soulmate.
The other was the one who wasn't meant to be. The one who loved me with all her tortured heart. The one I couldn't imagine living without athough I knew I could never be the strength she needed. The one whose soul was crushed along with mine when we parted ways, when I ended our relationship. The one whose perfume I still smell when I pass the spot where we first kissed. Whose sweet voice I'll hear until the day I draw my last breath.
I will always feel I am betraying my partner when the memories of the other push their way into my mind unbidden.
Oh you guys do NOT understand how much I hate this fucking shit life. Gosh people annoy me so fucking much, plus I’ve got no friends. UGHHJJ I fucking hate it, you guys just don’t understand words can’t explain how much I hate life NO WORDS. The only good about life is food nothing else. UGHHHHH and I’m not going to kill myself because I still wanna eat, but that’s about all that’s hkeeping me going
Life is nothing but a series of endless financial losses until you eventually kill yourself. I was finally starting to make some decent money for once fml..
I came out of a long and dark period of my life, finally on the up and happy. About 7-8 months back i changed jobs to what i now wanna make my career, i also met an amazing person there. I would consider her a good friend who helped me thru some stuff and helped me think things thru differently. Shes everything i ever dreamed of in a woman, smart, funny, aggressive, and down to earth. Most of all she made me feel cared about and that i matter to someone. I thought she would feel the same since we both went thru similar horrors and horrible things and because we get along so well. A month ago i confessed i liked her and she rejected me without a hesitation. Im not upset about that or really hurt.. just bummed. I started to sit back and look at it differently. Shes a one sided friend who really is only concerned about herself and actually doesnt care what im going thru as long as im there to listen to her problems. I come home to a mom who destroyed my family, up to my head in debt, dont have any friends or social skills, and my only best friend decided to walk out of my life 2 months back. Theres more but why would i bore you, picture painted that im isolated from the world living a horrible life. I thought i was happy, i thought i finally got out from the sadness, finally found a friend who genuinely cared about me..
i feel like I don’t belong to this world, i dont think about killing myself but i do think about how much no one would miss me if i did just drop dead. That i would just be a passing thought once and never thought of or missed after. My depression has me gripped by the throat and im struggling
I’ve dealt with these feelings since i was 15(26 now), and i just wanna know what true happiness is, what true friendship is, what true love is. Im tired of being tired, abused, lied to, and taken advantage of
I pray everyday just to feel the happiness i felt when i thought i beat this depression
#sad #depression #unhappy
I've fallen so behind on all my school work I just hate myself for it. My anger issues have returned after being controlled for 3 years. I fell like a failure after all my low grades. I'm trying to get into a school with one third acceptance rate but I know I won't get there if I can't get my shit together. I feel like shit. I wish I knew what I was doing. I need to see my therapist again. At this point, I feel defeated and like I'll just settle for a university I know I'll get into. There, I'll at least have maybe somewhat of a chance to explore my sexuality. I'm just trying to be optimistic. Its kinda awful to be optimistic given my circumstances, but there's nothing else to do. If I don't have that, then I won't care. So maybe I will kiss a guy if I ultimately fail at life this year. At least there's that.
I've always been depressed. For as long as I can remember the past 7 years have been hell in my life. There were some really good times when the flame gets too hot you enjoy it, like spending time with your family or staying up with your one friend but every single night, for the past 7 years, not once did I feel I was good with life. I'm not suicidal anymore, I think it's ridiculous. I don't self harm, or do anything I don't want to to my body. I'm so tired of life, but I don't want to die either. I want to pause, sit still, be quite and freeze everything around me. I want to be completely alone, surrounded by no one and nothing. No light, no color, no voice, sounds, or noise. I want the whole world to stop.
#depression #time #quite
I can't tell if I'm a masochist because I like the pain in a sexual way or because I think I deserve it for being a horrible person in my own head. There is this guy I like and we have had sex a couple times, he's really awesome and super attractive, which makes me feel like I don't deserve him.
Whenever we get into it he is always asking "Is this okay?" and says things like, "Let me know if this is too much." I tell him I'll let him know.... but I don't think I ever would and I think maybe he knows that, because he hasn't really done anything super intense. He has pulled my hair a couple of times, spanked me... bitten me lightly.... but he could get away with so much more. I would let him beat the shit out of me if he just promised to love me. He wouldn't even have to be faithful and I would probably still want him around. I just don't want to be alone, but I don't want to be with someone who is unattractive either.
#depression #love #abuse #masochism #mental #health #lonelyness
It's been a rough day and I feel so alone. I wish I didn't. I wish I knew someone could see it and cared but no one does, I've gotten very good at hiding it from everyone...
What’s the point?
What’s the point in bearing with all of the troubles that we have during our lives?
With all of the wars and battles that kill thousands of peoples’ lives, but when it comes down to the choice to end it all or not, they ask you to stay alive because your “important.”
What’s the point in dealing with all of the criticism that we receive because all of the other people don’t believe in our beliefs?
And we all know that the end of the world is truly near, but we’re too scared to admit that everything will be destroyed.
And whether that day will come in a lifetime or not, death is inevitable and no one will remember your hard work.
All of the nights you stayed awake to finish that project for school and the many hours that you spent working just so that you could have a roof over your head.
And for what?
We all know that you’re too scared to admit that living another day of our lives is a lot more painful than dying.
So why do we do it?
Why do we put ourselves through so much pain and suffering just because we need to live another day, waiting for absolutely nothing?
Why do we fill our lives with lies by saying that we are going to save the planet, but our mere existence is destroying it?
Why is it so important for one out of the billions of people on Earth to stay alive?
Because of greed?
Just to gain that satisfaction of saying that you saved someone’s life when you’re actually putting them through more pain than you can imagine?
What’s the point?
Hii reader I don’t know why what I am doing I am getting angry day by day I lost my tolerance today I hit my older sister and say many bad words to her and I have also fought with my mom I am really feeling bad what should I do I want to die but god is not listening I am not getting love my mom used to tell me tution fee cost which I feel bad that she is showing that what she is doing she is unique I am damn sure that not other mother do this thing..I am also praying that my crush loves me back..but he is 9 years older than me what should I do.
i dont know why i am living in this world.Sometimes i feel to suscide.whenever i do something i only get caught everytime.I use to see my classmates bunking college every friday as we use to come out frim college to school but once i thought of bunking.i left the school but told my grandma i will be coming home as i am having fever (although its a lie) i came out prayed and thought to go and play csgo (a game of steam) it took me1 hour to play it and left home but when i came home the school mentor called at home saying rayyan is not at home.now you what happened to me
I am 35years old, no career, no job and need to take care of my mum. I am in need (more desperate ) of a career, an income and some independence to be able to help my mum. I have so many dreams and I honestly do not even know how to begin fulfilling them. This is never how I imagined my life going. I feel so helpless. All I have is a dream to become a beauty therapist and no way of doing so. How did i get here? My confession is I am so desperate for help, I am considering the unthinkable.
My Comfort zone could literally kill me. I find peace in my depression and social anxiety and yes I have tried to end it. Jumping of a bridge to be exact, I’m out of it right now but every now and again I’ll slip back into it
I don't really have a goal in life, I ve helped taking care of my family all my life, I feel that, when my mom and sick uncle are not longer around, the only thing left for me is make sure my niece and nephew are well taken care of and then kill my self
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