Courage Confessions

For love I gave up on being a soldier.
9/11 happened. I called to enlist. Too disabled by then.
However. I saved lives other ways.
I’ve been shot at. Nearly died saving a life. But I failed as a dad. Failed as a husband.
I’m not the man I wanted to be. It’s too late to change that. This disease will kill me. It’s just a question of how long I can hold out.
They probably won’t post this. But if you want to give up, don’t.
Courage is refusing to let depression win.
I was an orphan. Homeless. They told me I’d die. I’m still here.
I don’t care that my parents wanted to abort me. That they hated me for being born. I gave up on God ever loving me. I’m all alone. But I’m all I need. If no one else will love me, then I’ll love myself. If God doesn’t care about me; then that’s His loss, I’m a pretty good person. People only see the disabled outside of me. But inside I’m very kind.
So if your sad & alone, I am too. Many of us are. Why should we parish because others don’t care? If they want to leave you out, so be it. Walk to your own drum. Watch TV. Laugh. Listen to music. Live just so you can defy them.

#courage   #sad  

This confession is for my parents.
Last year I gave an entrance exam, ie IIT JEE. I prepared well for it and was confident that I will crack it. But at the time of examination, I got blank! I just baffled. I didn't knew what to do. After some time, I got relaxed and just marked most of the answers randomly. I was disdained by my performance. I was not sure about my result. I felt gawky.
But when I saw my result, it was unforeseen, an illusion. I got AIR 2466. I was amazed! My luck was with me.
Today my parents are proud of me, I'm in IIT Delhi. I work hard. But sometimes I feel obnoxious that it was a mere luck, not my hard work. I always want to tell my parents about that situation, but never get enough courage. Just because my basics are crystal clear, I co-op up with my studies.
I feel bad and happy at the same time.

#parents   #examination   #courage