Confusing Confessions

I don't know what to do anymore..... Life is so confusing for a man who has nothing in this world and is only getting dimmer and dimmer instead of better like in those fucking tales you see on movies or happy ending books. My mom is a pain who can't even understand how mentally fucked I am dealing with stress she has entailed onto me about how she cant get a job and is relying on me and my sister to take it all in control. This life is no different compared to her as she had to struggle doing the same thing with her mom before that, however this is of new age and of new thinking. It as well concluded to me that I have depression that has a rise over the years due to this family finance as well distress from just an 18 year old still trying to find himself. I found that suicidal thought have became more creative as I become sad where its me blowing my brains out in front of everyone and saying goodbye to jumping off the state bridge and sending off a worldwide video describing to help those in needs such as I am and in hope that they can learn from my mistakes and no not follow in these barbaric and sorrowful steps of a "human". I've been called worse then human such as "idiot" "stupid" "dumbass" to my so called friend..... and even to family members. Another part of me that wants to come out is how my dead beat excuse of a human dad just essentially is homeless and somewhere out doing drugs and such still living to his glory and essentially created this whole black whole of mess.

In this end there is also an answer that I still hope that anyone who stumbles upon this website may enlighten and please tae into recognition...... "YOU ARE NOT ALONE".... It's hard and horrible but all I can say and to keep tings short is that you are not alone and understand that we, me you, whatever it may be can get through this. From writing this out it helped me alleviate some pain physically and mentally and started me back to the engine that could. So please anyone who has eyes and ears, don't be afraid to talk to someone or write out your expressions cause trust me you are in most definitely not alone. Hope this can help someone like me or anyone in trouble. Thank you.

#alone   #life   #confusing