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My ex and I broke up a couple of days ago. I went to her apartment yesterday to get my stuff and I saw some used condoms in her trash can. We broke up like 3 days ago!!! I cannot believe it. To get my revenge and because I was furious, I took some of the unused condoms and poked a hole into them. (I know that she keeps them in a box by her bed). I did that while she was answering her phone (probably her new lover).
When I was still married, I had a feeling he was cheating on me. I found a pack of condoms in his car. The box was already opened so i poked a hole in the wrapper of each one. Then I preceded to soak them in habanero pepper juice for an hour. I put them back in the car before he woke up. He told me he had to go help his mom with some things aroung the house.
He left.
3 hours later my best friend called to tell me that she had sex with her "boyfriend" and that now she was on fire down there!
My husband came home and placed an ice pack down there, saying he got burnt by something. Needless to say after that, he lost his wife and she lost her friend. Neither one of them knows what I did. Now if I see either on e of them I always ask, "Where's the fire?"
I'd like to confess something BIG.
I share a flat with my best friend (both M/22). He is in a relationship with the horrendous and absolutely terrifying bitch walking the earth. No one of our friends understands why he is still with her. She treats him terribly, always making condescending remarks, she even slapped him once!
We all tried talking to him reasonably to see that he could do so much better, but to no vain. So, we kind of agreed that he would eventually get it himself.
Oh well... everything came a bit differently than we had thought.
I was out drinking with some friends in a pub (best mate not with us as he had to attend to her mayesty's call aka 'the bitch') and I got quite drunk and actually managed to hook up with this beautiful girl.
We were both intoxicated but somehow managed to end up back at my place. We had sex twice and once more in the morning and then she left, also leaving me her number (I am yet to call her). After my sex-induced haze (still in bed at this point) I noticed that I was actually not in MY bed. But in my flatmate's. I had to have been rather pissed for not noticing.
Oh well. I did not think much of it, simply went to my room and got some more sleep.
Sometime while I was sleeping my flatmate got home and half an hour later his devilspawn followed.
I woke up to shouting and screaming.
To make a long story short: I left my used condoms in my mate's room and his "girlfriend" found it and thought he was cheating on her in the half hour it took her to get to his place. She wouldn't listen to his reasoning that he could not have had sex with another girl in that short period of time. And especially not three times (we had sex three times remember).
She screamed some more, threw some pillows and stuff around, but finally left exclaiming that she was done with him and not to contact her ever again. Before she left she told (or rather shouted) that she never loved him and cheated on him quite often in the last year.
He was gobsmacked at first and couldn't fathom what just happened. After the initial shock he deduced that those must have been me condoms. I actually thought he would be mad. But he thanked me. Really, he THANKED ME.
Yeah mate, you dodged a bullet there.
You're welcome.
#ex #girlfriend #hookup #condoms #sex #woops #misunderstanding #cheating #flatmate
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