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I'm a 21 year old gay male. Decent looking.
Anyway this starts all the way back in elementary school, I always felt different. I was the odd kid out and often picked on but if you were to look at me there would be no obvious reason. I was clean, looked normal but I was always off, this is when the horrible pattern started. I had met this kid, let's call him Cody, anyway we hit it off at first when school started because he was the new kid and I was a loner and we bonded over just running around at recess because neither of us liked sports (or ever were invited to play) and the swing set. As the year went on I thought everything was fine and normal, his mom even started volunteering at the school to serve snacks for the students which had given me a chance to meet his mom which I thought was great until i got pulled into the office one day. I was told that I was being suspended for harassing another student, it turns out Jake was deeply afraid of me and my vivid imagination, so afraid that he had pretended to be my friend so he wouldn't get hurt. His mom volunteered at the school to even keep an eye on me so she can see for herself what was going on. That's when I really knew something was wrong with me and what sickens me is that this exact same pattern of me finding one person and developing a dangerous fixation on them, my intent is never to harm them but I do... never physically but I'm so insecure in everything about myself. I need to pick a fight with them just to know that they care enough to argue back. I make up a sad story or suicide attempt to see how much they love me. I constantly push these boundaries to test how much they will take and if they will hurl me out of their lives too. This pattern has slowed down but not in a healthy way, ive now turned to opiates to give me that feeling of euphoria I would get when someone would say something nice to me or give me a hug. I'm up to about 160-200 mg of oxycodone use a day which I guess is enough to kill someone without a tollerance and everyday I wish I wouldn't wake up from my nod. When this isn't enough I turn to casual sex on grindr just so I can still feel sexy and desired, I never use condoms because I hope I get HIV, that'll kill me in a few years if I don't treat it hopefully. Oh I should also mention that the only person that ever loved me unconditionally no matter how bad I got died of cancer when I was 19, the same time my "fiancé" left me. He was actually pretty good at dealing with my crazy, he knew how to work around it but after losing my mom I got really bad. Wanna know what's funny? I have a high paying job! I'm really smart and manipulative so I was able to cheat a resume and land a 30$ an hour job, I just pretended I knew what was going on lol I've even bought a car recently. I have this random peaks of energy and sanity I think where I set a goal and then I work hard to acheieve it, all while hiding a drug addiction. This isn't easy to do but any addict can tell you that they'll figure something out to push them through the day. As you can see this is so haphazardly written because this is how my brain works, I'm never on a single path and do you want to know the sickest thing that torments me the most in my life? I love. I love so hard. I love everyone and everything. All I want to do is love each and every person on this earth and i know that I have enough compassion in my heart to go around to each one of you but with my deadly desire to be desired like that in return all I do is hurt anyone who crosses my path. I've stopped now. I even got on methadone to start saving up a chunk of money for my family and entered the methadone clinic who dose me every morning before work, then I go to my office, milk the fuck out of the clock, go home, pop some xanax or whatever drug I can get my hands on because I have stockpiled fake pee for the UA's and pass the fuck out. On my days off it's just a blur of some type of intoxication. The beauty of this is, I'm no longer harming anyone, I tell my family I'm just dedicated to my career and they believe me because they see the new diesel (used 2011) Ford Dually I bought. I'm not in emotional pain for the lack of not having human interactions. My account is growing slowly but since I don't pay rent I can put almost half my monthly income into savings. I've written a list of the names of all the people I've hurt and for each name is a letter telling them everything that's beautiful about them. In 6 more months (if my body can hold up to my downers at night and daytime stimulants) I'll leave on a positive note with my dads debt paid off and my brother a newer truck which he should be able to make the payments on with the way I got the loan set up. Fuck you guys I'm so sorry I've failed you all. I was supposed to be the one to take every tear and change it for you... there has never been a time when my compassion didn't bring joy to someone's face, in fact that's the only thing that's kept me here this long. Kill me if you want and can find out who posted this, it would help. Today is January 7th.. late July and the toxic creature that has infected our existence as a species will enter the void of nothingness. Damnit, I was supposed to be something so beneficial. Anyway, bye babes. You have my love - mine is not to reason why, yours is not to make reply for I am to do and die.
#insanity #death #suicide #fear #addiction #abandonment #loss
I always get aroused when I think about a crush I have. I don't know why I feel this way, I've never felt THIS way with any other guy, but this guy, he must be special. I yearn for him, I want him to fuck me, but the only communication we've had for the longest time has been over text and phone. I've met him in person, that is actually how we met, but he lives two hours away (approximately) and neither of us have driver's licenses.. I don't know why I feel like this for him, but I LOVE it.
#horny #attraction #love #crush
The only reason I am not currently a Bull in a cuckold marriage is
1) perfect situation and couple, perfect location, no physical or sexual attraction.
2) Wife attracted to me, cock size passes test, meetings take place, she separates and divorces her husband for a normal relationship. I still loved watching her homemade porn, and will never forget her assurance that if we shot movies in the shower that they had fog and steam proof lenses.
3) A very sexy older MILF with a taste for young hung chiseled studs initiated contact and arranged to me
et and fuck assuming she had permission... and before she talked to her husband she was thinking of how to convince him that she wanted to be pregnant more than anything by this a sexy young strange stud. Sometimes even a true cuck can't let go completely for his own pleasure, ego interferes.
#sex #bull #cuckold #hotwife #slutwife #ovulation #insemination
So the other night me (M15 + sexually confused) and friends had a party and we all got very drunk. It was at about 2am when I was by myself with my friend (M15), and Idk how but we just really opened up about everything and we share the same kind of problems with home life and UGH it just felt so good to let everything go and be open with someone! I say everything...but I definitely did not tell him I'm gay for him.
Ik it's probably just my imagination but sometimes I think he could like me too? Like I was singing a rap and forgot the words after the line 'can I have a kiss?' And he just said sure and ran out. But we were all so gone at this point that idek. We also kept hugging and the second time we hugged his lips only just missed mine and he kept showing me his body like his abs but tbf I started doing that first so maybe he just did it for the lols? We also stayed together throughout the night until he left to get home. Even if he doesn't like me it's nice having someone who knows so much about you and you know so much about them and is one of your best friends
#gay #party #attraction
There are two women that I am very interested in dating and the interest with both seems mutual. I know one is totally crazy and will do nothing but piss me off once we start a relationship because I've seen how shady she can be but I find myself drawn to her more than the other. I know she'll likely cheat on me, or take advantage of me, because I see her doing it with her current boyfriend with me but I just can't help myself. The other girl is really sweet, kind, sexy as hell, and for whatever reason, I'm just drawn to the psycho.
My dream was so real and strange. My father-inlaw and I were having fun on a playground. Our clothes fell off and we ended up having the best sex ever. I cannot forget the dream. And now I find myself daydreaming of hardcore sex with my father-inlaw. Now I masturbate with urge but I must remain faithful. He's single, lives close, handsome, intelligent, strong, ... . No No No
I am a 19 year old female, who is currently stuck in the closet. I am ready to come out. but I am scared what people will think, especially my parents considering I live with them and I won't be moving out for at least another 3 years. I am also a virgin. Which scares me because I am only attracted to older women (30+ feminine). I would love to be in a relationship with an older woman, but firstly I am not pretty nor thin and secondly I don't want them to see me as just a little girl. I am super shy so I could never chat up a woman. None of my friends are gay, or know I am gay, I don't know what to do. I just want to have someone next to me.
#lesbian #young #older #women #love #lust #attraction #closet #help #virgin #relationsip
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