Aromantic Confessions

My crush is aromantic
So I know I can’t have them
But
They aren’t asexual
So it’s hard not to think of them sexually
Again
I know I can’t have them
I know I’ll never be able to have sex or anything with them
But
It kinda hurts
And I feel bad
Because I feel real really bad about wanting to fuck them, but not being able to have a relationship with them
I know they don’t want a relationship, but it feels weird to me

#aromantic   #sexualthoughts  

my partner has been getting very distant with me over the past month or so and i keep nervously walking myself through the benefits of being single to brace myself for being broken up with. they’re... not the person they were when we started dating. they did a complete 180° as a person since then, and i like who they are now and enjoy talking to them even with that change, but i’m worrying.

they’ve been busy and distant, and asked for me to just label them as a partner while they question if they’re aromantic or not. but because of that i can’t tell if they’re being distant over this month to prepare me to be broken up with, or if they’re just busy and reflecting on themself. i don’t even know what i would do if we weren’t romantically involved anymore?

we’ve been together more than a year now and were best friends for years before dating - they’re my closest friend, the person i trust and open up to more than anyone ever in my life. feeling distance between us is painful and scary... sometimes i wonder if i would be happier in a romantic relationship with someone else who better fits me, if us becoming friends instead of lovers would be good and i could find someone with a matching sex drive who’s more masculine and dominant (which is more my type than they are now). but they’re so close to me and i really feel like a happy old married couple with them, like i feel secure and cared for and i have someone i trust always by my side.

i just don’t know what to do, mostly because i don’t really know if there’s anything to do at all. it basically all hinges on whether or not they’re aromantic - if they are, we’re back to being best friends. if they aren’t, we’re together still. i don’t know what i would even prefer at this point either; all that i want is, selfishly, to be #1 in their life and more important than anyone else. that’s selfish, i know, but i want them to myself and i wouldn’t be able to stand seeing him date another person... when we were best friends they dated their current friend, and seeing their relationship constantly shoved in my face when i just had a hopeful crush was so painful. i can’t even imagine having to see it and knowing i’d been effectively replaced.

i’m just scared and nervous and confused. i don’t even think being best friends would really be too horrible at the end of the day. i don’t think i even know what i want.

what the fuck do i even do, man.

#relationship   #breakup   #aromantic