Sex Bashes

The cable guy is coming to install my box today and I can't find my thigh highs anywhere.

If my throat was a chimney & you were Santa I would let you come down it.

I use my antique quill pen dipped in shit for dirty diary entries.

I’d love to blow you.............kisses from across the room.

I have a date tonight. That means, sometime today I'll get a huge pimple.

It's fun to put your dong in a nice person.

I've been here so long that I now think that every compliment from a man means, "I want to put my boner in you."

Come all ye faithful. Does that mean if you aren't faithful, you can't come?

How well does a safe word work if he's already inside of you?

We were the sperm who got to the egg first. It was our first victorious moment and I'm proud to be here with everyone else who made it too!

If I were a pair of panties, I'd be the ones you threw out the car window on the way home from a one night stand.

I never use Glory Holes anymore since the incident at the pencil sharpener shop.

Pure love burns for eternity
A one night stand burns when you pee

Guys, be nice to your ladies.

They let you stick things in them for Pete's sake.

I think I'm getting sick. What's that stuff you rub on your chest to relieve congestion? Boobs? Yes, boobs. Someone rub their boobs on me.

Shut your mouth and spread your legs

Home is where your porn is.

I can think of only one good reason to wear panties and that is for someone to tear them off.

It still pisses me off that I didn't learn that the nerdy girls were the kinky ones in bed until after high school.

After a stripper collects her tips from all the tables she goes in the back and licks the money clean.