Idocy Bashes

I’d like to be a python hunter, I can’t imagine there’s much running involved.

Just got told I was going to hell. Wonder if blocking and reporting them as spam will make the trip a little faster...

If you're too good to use a paper towel as a dinner plate, then you're a little too fancy for my liking.

I'd hit that, how bout you ?
Nah, I wouldn't touch that.

- Ugly stick and a 10 foot pole

Thought I often have around people: Maybe I'm not people.

I bet it's someone's birthday.

Forget Gamma Rays, to turn into the Hulk all I've got to do is try to untangle something.

Standing in line for hours to return gifts is totally worth it if you use the money to buy drugs and alcohol.

I don't look a day over 33.

Whose idea was it anyway to put a pyramid with an eye on the dollar? I'm thinking either Satan or Ben Franklin.

The guy at the gym with the same headphones as me didn’t want to be headphone buddies.

Jerk!

I call Willem Dafoe "William" because get the hell out of here with that stupid name.

Sometimes Jesus asks himself, "What would some self-righteous hypocrite do?"

Just had a political conversation with Christian friends on Facebook which is like having a conversation about astrophysics with a kitten.

"So, what have you bought since we last talked?" - Women on the phone together

Hope everyone has a truly wonderful Thursday! Try not to use an article of clothing to hang yourself in the staff washroom.

When I was ten my doctor said I might be schizophrenic. It was a sad day for all of us.

My MIL doesn't know this, but she's 3 snide comments away from getting roofied.

This birthday party feels more like a wedding with a cash bar.

Those people who block me when I’ve never even heard of them make me feel sort of infamous.