Idocy Bashes

Yo mama's so fat she probably has trouble finding men to sleep w/ her, especially after the messy divorce.
Sorry about your family.

#idocy  

I'll unblock you if you agree to play nice.

#idocy  

The put new carpeting in our office over the weekend so now I've gotta spend the whole day spraying musk in the corners.

#idocy  

I always leave a light on when I'm not home so no one accidentally breaks anything while robbing me.

#idocy  

"Have courage Natalie, don't get scared. They can sense fear" ~ me every time I go to wake up my kids.

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Just bought every bird outside my window a cell phone. Maybe now the little feathered bastards will tweet quietly.

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Only Canada could come up with a drink and name it dry

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Just caught my goldfish watching "Gills Gone Wild".

#idocy  

Thought I often have around people: Maybe I'm not people.

#idocy  

"Put that tongue away"

Something a man never wants to hear.

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Girls that take off their high heels & walk barefoot in a club will never ask you to wear a condom. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE!

#idocy  

Stop calling my phone!

Anyone who has my phone number

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I only have a few things that I'm really good at, like being awesome.

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Changing a tampon in a Costco parking lot behind my minivan full of groceries and kids at 9:30 PM in case you thought I live like a Hilton.

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"I wonder when Phantom Menace 3D tickets go on sale?" - terrible person. Perhaps the worst in the world.

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I'm going to quit my job and join the circus.

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Can't believe Jesus had to go to mass every year on his birthday.

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who has a black trench coat I can borrow? I'll pay for the dry cleaning...

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I am not much of a pizza person. I would say I am only 25-35% pizza.

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It's weird to see someone over 50 doing karate. By that age you should have learned to avoid fights.

#idocy