Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #funny
Calling "shotgun" is great way to lighten the mood when getting in the squad car after the cops arrest you.
Been watching two toddlers dance for the past hour and now I'm going to go ask them who's their dealer...
If I was Santa, I'd pass on the milk 'n cookies and just go straight for the medicine cabinets.
What I hate most about Twitter: Is finishing a good tweet, having -1 characters left, and then having to decide which grammar crime to commi
My roommate is being a total c-rag. He keeps shitting with the door open and he won't stop calling me his "wife."
What's the best way to confront your neighbor while she's in the shower?
Related: I'm dressed like a clown zombie.
It didn't look so hard when I was laying in bed eating chips and watching an infomercial for that exercise program..So I ordered it ~ Idiots
"OMG! It's super scary when water comes down from the sky! I'd better drive like an idiot."
- Everyone on the road right now, apparently.
If I go to give you a high five, and you don't high five back, I can't guarantee you won't have a horse's head in your bed the next morning.
I'm very sorry you tripped over my foot, I don't know what I was thinking keeping my foot at the end of my leg like that.
When a job interviewer asks, "Where do you see yourself in five years?", it's a test to see if you own a time machine.
