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Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #crap
Convinced myself that the hot office guy doesn’t love me because he’s gay & his 'wife' is just his unfortunate looking sister.
#crap
This homeless dude is wearing original Air Jordons and drinking a Starbucks.
I think I'm doing life wrong.
#crap
I think I've made about three right decisions out of the 897 thousand I've been faced with in life so far... so that's good.
#crap
I just saw my wife acting very suspicious outside our house. She parked the car without crashing into the fence.
#crap
I hate when I'm cranky for no good reason then get my period and have to pretend the two events are unrelated.
#crap
You're "not like the other guys"? Oh good, that's what Michael Jackson said right before he turned into a wolf in Thriller.
#crap
If I was Mark Wahlberg's real friend, I'd make sure I was always walking ahead of him so I could turn around and yell, "C'MON, C'MON!"
#crap
Do these tribal tattoos on my upper arm make me look like I made a bad decision in the late 90's?
#crap
Again, if you're in a disagreement w/someone and the best you have is 'you're stupid and/or dumb', or any name calling. You lose.
#crap
The girl at the pharmacy told me there was no such thing as gigantic condoms and that maybe I should ask someone who works there.
#crap
I hate when I'm about to write something inspirational and I puke all over my phone and have to get a new one.
#crap