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Read the best funny quotes and bashes with tag #bullshit
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I think I've finally taken enough selfies to prove to everyone that I do in fact live in my bathroom.
That annoying feeling when you're dying to talk to someone, but you refuse to text them first.
If you get a text from my number after midnight, it wasn't me that texted; it was tequila.
It's quite sad that our ancestors didn't have any phones to stare at when they were at the traffic light.
I feel kind of like Survivor Man today the way I just left my house without my phone charger.
I would really love to listen to your bullshit but I’ve got no time to listen to your bullshit.
How long does evolution take cuz I've been in this bathtub for 2 hours and no fins. Ya, right, Darwin. Idiot.
Someone just told me I am the Bill to their Ted. I'm not sure how to feel about this, dude.
Sometimes use the oven instead of the microwave to heat food. Let it know that you still need it. Ovens have feelings too, you know.